From Bob:
To my family and all who love Dave,
I’ve struggled time and time again to put feelings into words. Page after page, but it seemed that most of what came forth was anger. As I read my own words they seemed more appropriate for a courtroom and less fitting for a beautiful website such as this. As the facts come clear concerning the circumstances surrounding Dave’s death, the anger can be overwhelming. The question “how could this happen”, repeats itself over and over again in my heart. Pat, Rob, Cori and Ara have been pouring their hearts and souls into finding justice for Dave. Their agony is endless, their love endless also. Please keep them in your thoughts and prayers.
I’ve kept somewhat of a journal over the years, a sort of dialogue with myself, in the hope that God is listening in or better yet will have something to add. So I would like to share some of those private moments with you in honor of my friend and my nephew Dave.
July 18, 2006
Today I sit here in disbelief that you are gone. You were so loved by everyone. The lives that you touched are so vast that it seems as if you lived many lifetimes instead of your short 29 years. You lived your life trying to take in as much as you could, always searching in one way or another, looking for answers or a better way. We would see each other and somehow after only a few moments beyond the hello, we would be discussing world hunger, politics, racism, war and who God is. Anyone who has ever debated you on any issue can attest to the fact that as strong as your opinions were, you treasured the opinions of others as well. It was so obvious to me that you spent your life caring very much about everyone around you. You seemed to have this internal clock that would tell you that it was time to go. Time to leave your “comfort zone”, time to meet your next challenge. I know this was difficult for you at times. Occasionally you would call and want my opinion on your next trip. I was honored. We would both speak honestly. It must have hard for you to leave your “nest”, but you had a way of being able to leave the “familiar”, but never the family. In fact, it was this deep love from your loved ones that gave you the courage to follow your path. Of all the many things that made you special and unique, the one thing that stands out in my mind the most was your love and commitment to your family and friends. Relationships! One on one. No matter where you were, the e-mails flowed like a river. The phone messages left saying, “Hi, its Dave, just checkin’ in, I’ll catch you later”. Relationships were what gave you strength and where you had the greatest impact on all of our lives. Our time together that day in the wilderness was a day to remember. I tried to help you prepare for this course in a small way, helping you with land navigation skills. It pains my heart when I recall us going over land to air emergency signaling, never thinking that your very life would be in the balance. There is not a day that goes by where I don’t regret the fact that I never read through the course curriculum of this school. I knew you would be pushed in order to help you go beyond perceived limitations, but never in my wildest nightmare did I think that instructors with a total lack of judgment and twisted priorities would force you to fight for your very life. I know how strong you are in body and spirit. I know that the love you have for life and your family, must have compelled you to struggle far beyond what the average person could endure. As with every other challenge in your life you reached down to the depths of your soul.
July 25, 2006
My heart and mind is alive with death, feeling all the sorrow of losing Dave. Pat… my heart aches and prays for the warmth of Gods peace, to comfort her broken heart. I’m honored that she is with me on this earth now, and all that her life and struggles have taught me. Rob and Cori, many you find your brother in those quiet moments where his spirit reaches beyond the physical mind and awakens you to your deeper self.
Nothing can ever replace Dave or fill the space that is left in our hearts.
And that’s the way it should be.
THE JOURNEY HOME
The River
Its source…the heavens
Its destiny…the same
One great cycle of creation with one purpose in mind; to flow wherever it is sent and find its “destiny”.The River
Indeed having many faces. It may be a tiny trickle, a few raindrops gathering and peacefully finding there way along the forest below.
And then…A Stream
Its shape and speed determined by the obstacles it meets
…Always seeking the “straighter”, quicker path, but “bending” as it accepts the obstacles in its way.
Veering left and right,
Again and again,
But never losing sight of its purpose.
How beautiful it has become as it finds its path and travels its intended journey.
And finally…The Raging River
…Gathering thunderous power,
No longer needing to flow gently around its obstacles.
Focused so intensely on its destination that it cuts through the mountains in its path.
Seeming to find “power” from the very obstacles that at one time caused it to change.
Speeding on, not knowing what lies ahead,
But confident and determined as it cascades over the cliff
And becomes…
Part of the beautiful ocean below.
And now…It rests…
And waits …
Remembering…the forest.
Waits, as the sun rises in the sky and gently lifts it back to
Its source…The Heavens above
Where it once again will become
…A raindropHelp us, O Creator, to learn these wondrous lessons of your creation and flow
…Like the River
Back to our very source.
From Jan:
Dave,
It’s so difficult to put into words matters of the heart. Could you ever have imagined in your short 29 years, the impact that you could have on so many people? It seemed to come natural to you, the things that most of us struggle with.
While you were away on your island, I was so excited that you were taking a homeopathy course. I found a kindred soul! You were as passionate about the failure of western medicine as I was. We ranted and raved about how doctors were in the business of keeping us sick and just treated the symptoms of disease, vs. the disease itself.
Who knew that in a few short months I would be diagnosed with breast cancer? You seemed to breeze back into town just at the right moment when I had just received the diagnosis. You understood my dilemma, and how difficult it was for me to make decisions about my treatment. You let me vent out loud all my doubts and fears. The whole time I was undergoing radiation, I had your love and support. I didn’t need the “poor Aunt Jan” stuff, I needed the encouragement that I was going to kick the crap out of this disease. You have no idea how much your phone message meant to me congratulating me on finishing my treatment.
How about all those people at your funeral? I bet you had no idea how many people your life had touched. They were all drawn to you like moths to a flame. Your light, your energy was so strong. At your Friday night wake, I had the joy of watching Cayla, your niece. I think she must have pulled every tissue out of every box she could find. We walked into all the rooms where your friends and family waited to say their farewells. A 2 year old has the ability to bring you right back to earth. As tears streamed down everyone’s faces, the announcement that Cayla was your niece brought a smile instead. Besides, Cayla had pretty much wiped out all the tissues.
As I looked around the room, I would see everyone celebrating and honoring your life. How diverse we all were. We looked like a patchwork quilt, each square of the quilt representing a different portion of your life. Family, friends, co-workers, schoolmates.
The thread that bound us all together was you Dave, and how you loved each and every one of us personally. We all experienced a different and unique part of your heart. No such thing as “generic” relationships here.
I loved all of your pictures. There were so many facets about you that I never knew! I guess to look at it at face value you could say, “Wow, you really filled your life with as many experiences as you could fit in.” That would be the simple, one- dimensional side of you. It was your ability to assimilate all that you learned in your life and put it into action, not just good intentions. You were always moving forward, never allowing yourself to stagnate. Your trips home were to recharge and let your family nourish you with their love. You came home from each experience with an expanded heart and you were able to give us all the most precious gift of all, the gift of yourself.
This brings me to matters of the heart. My heart aches to think that I won’t be able to see your happy smiling face or hear your voice. I cry knowing how much you loved and cared for your family and the many conversations we had about them. I have but a glimpse of the pain your mom is going through, for you see, losing a child is a mothers worst nightmare. I know, without a shadow of a doubt, that you tried to do all you could to get yourself back to your Mom . Cori, and Rob.
In June you asked me if I was going to climb again. I told you that it was my goal. My so- called litmus test. I would know then that I had made it through this “bump in the road”. A few weeks ago UB and I went to Peterskill, and for the first time in 2 years I climbed again. It was pretty awesome, because in my difficult moments I would put myself up on top of the cliffs. Envisioning the smells, the wind, the feel of the rock, the vultures catching the wind currents, it’s where I feel the closest to Spirit. We took you climbing 2 years ago, the last season I climbed. I shared with you my love for my favorite place and I took your picture there. After you died, I found this disposable camera and wondered where your climbing pictures were. Only 4 pictures came out on the camera, and they were of you. There you were in your green floppy hat, in my favorite place! Thank you for that special gift and I know you were with me that day sharing in my victory and celebrating with us.
I am honored that I was able to experience your love. You have always made me feel very special and I am proud to always be your aunt. My hope is that I can put into action the inspiration your life has had on mine. To truly make a difference.
For you see in the end, it’s loving that only really matters.
Love Always,
Aunt Jan