Dave was an amazing person. Every life he touched was enriched. Even though his physical presence is no longer here, the sharing of our memories and feelings allows us to maintain a connection with him.
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dave seems like yesterday that we where kicking it and having fun miss you hommie see you on the other side brother
My name is Jon Maneri, and I served with Dave in Greece. I wish to offer everyone my condolences with Dave’s passing, and my heart goes out to all of his family and friends. I think this site is a good idea, and I have some nice photos of Dave that I will post when that option is available.
On the one hand I am sad that Dave is no longer with us, but on the other hand I am happy that Dave has moved on to another adventure. I know that’s how Dave looked at death, as he and I spoke about it from time to time. Dave and I met when we were stationed at Araxos Air Base in Greece. We got along very well, and we both shared many of the same interests, which I think saved us both from joining the rest of the crowd in constant partying and mindless pursuits. While we did enjoy partying, we also enjoyed discussing books and lofty subjects such politics and philosophy (not to make it sound like we were a bunch of old men sitting around in tweed jackets smoking pipes). I remember telling Dave my view of life, which is that material possessions are nice, but for me the real treasure is experience. Experiences are what make life worth living, and the more you can experience, the better. Dave liked that philosophy, and he shared it as well.
In a way, Dave is part of the reason that I moved to Holland. He and I came up to Holland with another friend at the time named Scott because Scott was going to meet his girlfriend. Dave and I came along just to go see Holland and visit Amsterdam. I ended up meeting my partner Irene, who was a friend of Scott’s girlfriend. Instead of trying to compete for Irene’s attention the night we met, Dave was gracious in keeping distance. That’s the kind of guy Dave was. He had a good heart, and he didn’t make a big fuss about trying to have everything his way.
Even though Dave and I have always been separated by large distances, we have always kept in touch. We only had the chance to visit each other twice since we left Greece, but a steady stream of emails and phone calls helped to keep our friendship alive. Dave and I had just spoken with each other a couple of weeks ago over the phone about meeting up in September when Irene and I fly into Newark. We spoke about the very course that took his life. It seems so surreal, and I don’t think it has really sunk in yet that he is gone.
The more that I think of it, the more that I hate it that he is gone. He was a good friend who could really have a great conversation. It’s a rarity these days to find a friend with whom you can really have a good discussion that lasts for hours.
Wherever you are Dave, keep a seat open for me by the fire. We’ll have a lot of catching up to do.
αντίο ο φίλος μου και το ασφαλÎÏ‚ ταξίδι
– Goodbye my friend and safe journey
Dave: A beautiful caring individual- I always hoped our paths would cross a third time in this lifetime. Here’s to the next – Melinda
I’ve know Dave since the eighth grade. He lived around the block from me and we have always been friends. Whenever Dave came home from one of his adventures he always found me. We have had so many great conversations and I was always so impressed by how knowledgeable he was on what he was talking about. Two days before he left for Utah we were talking about self sufficient living. He was really interested in living off the land and growing his own food. He was telling me all about it and I truly believe he would’ve done it. Dave has never been the kind of person to just talk about something. I always admired him for that. Dave and I also talked a lot about religion and spirituality. He believes in a higher power and a continued existence. I know that Dave isn’t gone; he’s just not here anymore. Just like Dave always found me when he came home I will do the same when I leave this world. Dave you’re the best, I’ll see you again.
Dave I miss you. The memories of skate boarding around town, RVCC , ski trips, parties, camping, sky diving, and so many nights we sat and you taught me so many unique things about every subject will always be cherished. A week ago tonight Dave you forever change the way I will look and love life. Thank you for touching my life I will keep learning from your spirit of life.I lost one of my best friends. As the memories slowly come to me I will write down. When ever Dave read something that I wrote he would alway laugh at my spelling and grammer. So chuckle away please.
Dave, I’m thankful we had the chance to catch up. After so long, your keen sense of humor and enthusiasm for life were just as I remembered them. You will be missed by so many.
Dave, Over the past week I keep thinking about what a love you had for words, and telling wonderful stories. How I enjoyed listening to and reading your writing , and how I admired you for it. The ways that I was inspired by having you as a friend. Growing up together, you became a part of me, and for this I will always think of you. Memories of visits and calls from you are meaningful markers of life and our friendship that t I have always fondly reflected upon, and continue to hold onto closely. As my own story continues on, I know that you are following it with care, and positive thoughts as always. Love you and miss you dearly. Suzanne
I don’t believe I’ve seen Dave since high school, but I remember him very well. It’s strange to look at these pictures, because I remember him as a teenager. I remember him smiling alot and being loved by his friends.. I don’t imagine either of those has changed one bit..Though I haven’t seen Dave in quite a while, I really feel the loss now..it’s a hard thing to accept has happened..of course we don’t want him to go..but we must know that he is at peace and that his presence will never cease to be felt..my love to the whole family-G
I have thought a lot in the last week about how I could put into words what Dave meant to me. Truthfully, there are not enough words in the English language. Dave always treated me like one of the boys. I was accepted into his world from the first moment that we met. He never excluded me for being the only girl around on our crazy Goonie adventures, instead he made me feel cool and adventurous for being willing to participate. We have had so many good times together. He was in our wedding, we hiked together, camped together, went skydiving together, drank together, and most importantly-talked. Dave had an amazing way of getting to the root of a person. He would extract that which was important to each individual and amazingly he always had something intelligent to say. With me it was science, quantum physics, metaphysics, hope, religon, faith, and brain chemistry. With Todd it was maps, travel, astronomy, politics,dreams, and life. He was other topics to other people. Dave knew everything and was constantly striving to know and understand more. He was the smartest person that I know. Dave was one of the best friends that I have ever had. I loved him so much. I know that I will connect with him again. Until then I will miss him every day of my life. He taught me so much and I am eternally thankful for the time that I was able to spend with this amazing person. Dave was the most honest person that I have ever met. He made no appologies for anything and had no secrets. I am sad that my education from Dave is over. My heart is broken, I have lost one of my best friends. Seeing Dan and Todd at Dave’s casket and knowing that it was the last time that I would see my three boys together was the saddest moment of my life. My sympathies go out to the family. Please know that Dave was loved by so many people. I know, I am one of them.
Dave,
I love you so much. I will miss you forever. Save me a seat next to Einstein and Buddah, we have a lot of talking to do :).
Your friend,
Cari Dages
I am sorry to hear of your loss and angry at such a waste. Those responsible should have to answer for their abhorrent actions and the death of such an amazing and enlightened man.
I met Dave in school when Chris and him became good freinds. I looked up to Dave, as well as Dan, because they were my "big brother Chris’ cool friends." As a freshman in high school I was so lucky to have these guys look out for me. I tagged along everywhere that I could. Camping, going to parties, and just hanging out were a few of the things that we did back in those days.
As I got older my relationship with Dave changed. Dave was always coming and going but I loved the times that we did spend together. I think I spent over an hour at my own wedding have a really deep conversation with Dave- one that I will never ever forget. When he called me when my daughter Ava was born, I realized just how amazing he was. He found time for everyone no matter where he was. His creative and intellectual e-mails made me smile and laugh as I read them aloud.I I wish I had saved everyone of them. Dave somehow always managed to make you feel as if you were the only thing going on that moment.
Dave, I miss you so much. My heart is broken. I know when it is my turn it will be easier because we will be in touch, yet once again.
I am so sorry for everyone that is feeling the loss of Dave.
~Lindsay
I have so much to say, but it’s just too soon.
For now, all I can say is…
There is a hole in my heart that will be with me for the rest of my life for this very special person; a fun-loving friend and a caring son and brother—one who had a heart as big as the all outdoors.
There are no words to describe our pain.
TO DAVE’S FAMILY
I DIDNT KNOW DAVE OR ANY OF YOU, BUT I HAVE READ THE STORY IN THE PAPER AND THEN ON HIS WEBSITE AND I JUST WANTED TO TELL YOU ALL HOW SORRY I AM FOR YOUR LOSS OF SUCH A WONDERFUL GUY. WITH DEEPEST RESPECT AND SYMPATHIES
JOANN LEMIN
Words are hard to find.
There are unfortunate times in our lives when we have no control over life changing events…..what we do have control over is what we learn from these times. I truely believe that dave would have wanted us to learn from him. To live life tyo the fullest….appretiate the things we have….and to love our friends and family. Never take life for granted.
Dave….you will forever be in our hearts and our minds.
Truely an amazing person.
my deepest condolences
i’ve haven’t seen dave since high school- i would see him in the halls and perhaps in some classes and he would always say hello and make conversation- i just wanted to say something here , after reading the paper the other day , I wanted to send my thoughts and prayers out to dave’s family and friends .
randy smith pvhs class of 95
Dave was a good friend who had a sense of humor that had a special place in our group of friends growing up in River Vale. He will be missed. I want to let Dave’s family know my thoughts are with you during this difficult time.
Sincerely,
Carlyn LaSpada
I met Dave this spring. He contacted me to procure my tattooing and design services. In the lengthy process of camping out in his ‘sexy armpits’ (when he first contacted me, he sent some photos of his old tattoos and said here is a picture of my sexy armpits) and tattooing his wicked cool idea of an elvin-druid-armor design, we became friends. I had so much fun talking to him– he was such a cool person. He was smart, funny, considerate, friendly and he had a deliciously dirty sense of humor. I was looking forward to us being old friends. He was a really special human being.
It just makes me so angry that he wasn’t given water when he expressed a need for it during his survival camp experience– I probably spent 30 hours tattooing him in very painful areas and he never complained or jumped or moved or anything. He was a strong and determined man– a real soldier. If he asked for water, he must’ve badly needed it. Of all the people on the Earth to be denied water– jeez… he was really one of the neatest people I’ve ever met.
You know, I don’t remember who said it first– but I just think about the saying that goes something like "everybody dies, but not everyone truly lives". Dave was definitely truly living.
Dave, I’m glad I got to spend time with you, if even for a little while. I wish we had more time to hang out. You left a mark on me too, buddy 🙂
Dear Cori,
I just read your email, and I felt the same way about the incident as you do. My heart goes out to you. I did not know Dave. But I can show my respect for him as a human being by writing some letters as you requested. Be strong.
Sincerely Yours,
Peg
Dear Pat, Rob, Cori, Ara and family,
It has been extremely hard this past week since Dave’s funeral to think of much else. The beautiful service you gave him will always be remembered. I learned a lot of things about Dave that I never knew and it just added to my wonderful memories of this very special man.
The one word that comes to mind when trying to describe Dave is “genuineâ€. There were no false pretenses about him. He didn’t try to impress people and be someone he’s not.
Just reading the comments about your dear son and brother have opened up the many memories that I have about Dave. I can remember the first time he walked into our home those many years ago and instantly became “one of my favoritesâ€. Dave was the kind of person who really reached you and truly made you feel that he cared. He would always take the time to sit down and speak with you no matter what. He never walked through our front door without that endearing smile and a big hug and I will treasure those moments always.
Dave, we all lost a wonderful friend, but we all will have our own special memories of you forever. You will not be forgotten.
Warmest regards,
Linda Medora
Dear Family,
Such a tragic loss and Dave was far too young to leave this earthly life. Our thoughts and prayers go out to you all.
Our family knew Dave starting in Middle School in River Vale. Todd, Dan & Dave had some really great times together during those growing up years. We will always remember Dave with a twinkle in his eye, a caring heart and a great respect and love for his family. Even in later years when he would come back into our lives, he would speak so hightly of his family. We were honored to have him in Todd & Cari’s Wedding in Napa. It was a special time for all of us.
Dave’s journey has only just begun, because this Earth is only one. He served his country, family and friends well and was an amazing guy who always had time for others. We will always think of Dave as living in our hearts for nothing loved is ever lost and he was loved so much.
With love and heartfelt sympathy,
Kathy & Chuck Dages
MY NAME IS ANTHONY GARZONE, I LIVE IN CHESTER NY.. WHILE READING THE PAPER TODAY I CAME ACROSS DAVES ARTICLE AND WAS VERY UPSET….. ALTHOUGH I DO NOT KNOW DAVE I FEEL IVE KNOWN HIM ALL MY LIFE…I LOOKED AT HIS PICTURE AND IT WAS HARD TO BELIEVE SOMEONE SO STRONG LOOKING COULD SUBCOME TO SOMETHING LIKE NOT BEING ABLE TO GET A DRINK OF WATER….AND I KINDA FOUGHT THIS IN MY MIND FOR A FEW..AND COME TO REALIZE DAVE DID NOT DIE….DAVE WAS PICKED BY OUR LORD FOR A MISSION FAR BIGGER AND MUCH MORE NEEDED IN HEAVEN FOR GODS WORK….PLEASE BELIEVE.. I KNOW ITS HARD AT TIMES LIKE THIS BUT WHEN GOD COMES FOR A LOVE ONE THE TIME IS NEVER RIGHT…NEVER…TO HIS FAMILY AND CHILD IF HE HAS ONE …I WILL KEEP DAVE IN MY PRAYERS….AND ALWAYS KNOW HES WORKING FOR GOD AND YOU WILL SEE HIM AGAIN SOON …I WILL KEEP HIS STORIE ALIVE AS HIM ALSO…LIFE IS NOT FAIR AT TIMES THIS I KNOW…BUT REMEMBER TODAYS ARE NEVER PROMICED TO US AS THE SAME AS FOR TOMORROWS ….BUT YESTERDAYS WILL LAST A LIFE TIME …KEEP HIM ALIVE IN YOUR HARD AND SOUL..AND MEMORIES…..MAY GOD BLESS YOU ALL
FROM ANTHONY UPSTATE NY
Dear Dave,
It was pouring that dreadful day we all had to say our final goodbyes to you. The sky was violent and angry, spitting out lightning and crashing with thunder – I felt the same way. I was alone now. It was in that silence, finally away from all the sobbing and the tears and the beautiful eulogies, that I felt so broken. I didn’t know what to do with myself. So, I took a drive and played my own DJ, listening to anything that I knew we both liked. I was digging through my mind for all the pieces that took me back to any time I got to see your face, hear your voice, learn your words and smile at your genius stupidity. I looked up ahead. As the rain drenched all that existed, I saw you there, in the sun of thundered sky. In all that wet depression, I saw your heart exploding over and over again. The clouds were tossed aside by your bright rays of hope. I knew then, that you were gone. Really gone. I knew then that you were ok…. But why couldn’t you be ok here….with me…with us…with all who loved you.
My heart breaks a million times each day. You are on my mind constantly. I want to erase you for a while…to stop this feeling….this gut wrenching pain….but I am afraid to. I’d rather feel this way and keep you here, in my head and in my heart – then let myself take a brake from sadness. At least, this way, I feel alive in my pain. I feel alive in you.
I wasn’t ready to say goodbye, Dave. I couldn’t wait to hear about this new adventure of yours. I couldn’t wait to see, in what beautiful ways, you had grown spiritually. I couldn’t wait to see you in your suit, tell you how sharp you looked and dance with you at my wedding. There’s this part of me that is so sad knowing that I can’t share any new experiences with you. I’ll always tell you all about them. But, how I am going to miss your ideas and opinions, which I cherished and valued so much. This world became a very lonely place for me now that you’re gone. The thief of angels took you away. You were too good for this earth. I always told you that. I know that you were needed for something bigger and better. I believe that. I believed in you. I believe in you now. I’ll believe in you always.
Any time you want to come around and say hello, please do – I’m always looking for you. Take any form. My heart is always open to you………
I love you Dave.
Marla
My name is Jeff Werntz, my cousin Dan did and always will consider Dave one of his best friends and I know the feeling was mutual. Though I didn’t know Dave very welI I do know that he was a great guy and the world could use a few more like him. When I found out the news an all too familiar feeling took over me and I could not help but to think of all the people Dave was close with. A few years back I had a brother that left this earth way too early as Dave did and the olny thing I can say is that it’s nothing you ever get over, it’s just something you learn to live with. My heart goes out to the entire Buschow family please know your feelings a shared.
Jeff Werntz
I admire everything that you have done with your life. You certainly lived life to the fullest. Its been a long time since I had spoken or even seen Dave. I would guess it was probably high school. While we had not seen each other, I feel your loss. My thoughts are with your family during this difficult time. I will never forget those great days on the soccer fields!
I could not believe what I saw, when I came across this article from a friend of ours.
I am at awe, and heartbroken.
I use to work with Dave, while he lived in Andros Island bahamas. He was such an awesome person to be around. Always put a smile on everyones face. He is just the type of person that one could always be around with out feeling overwhelmed.
Dave you will definitly be missed. I am currently serving in Bosnia at the moment. So my heart goes to you and your family from across the world.
Your friend,
Cody Furman
As most of you already know, Dave truly had all of the positive characteristics that a person could possibly want…he was charismatic, personable, adventurous, intelligent, fun, compassionate, and real. He had a way of talking, listening, and even teasing his friends that would make them feel appreciated and special. And if I hadn’t seen him in a while, he would make time to spend finding out how I was doing instead of just what I was doing. He was a good friend to me growing up, and I’m so happy I was able to also to spend some time with him later on in life, as I got a chance to see what a beautiful and deep person he became. I’m extremely sad to know I’ll never have another talk with him in this lifetime, but I also know I am lucky to have known him for as long as I did.
Dave, I am so saddened by this loss, but I know you had a beautiful life here, and where you are going next will be even more beautiful. The existence of someone like you is just evidence to me that there is something larger out there, that you’re just one step closer to knowing.
With love,
Sharon
(email sent to dave’s brother-in-law):
I didn’t know about Dave’s passing until I got your e-mail and it hit me like a ton of bricks as I am sure it did all. I knew Dave was going on the trip that he took and we talked about it many times. It was something he felt very strongly that he had to do and I understood where he was coming from and how he felt but I also talked to him about the timing of the trip and where it was located. He told me he had no fears of the trip or his ability to complete the mission.
As a little background on how I meet Dave and the development of our friendship. I interviewed Dave and hired him to come to work at AUTEC for a security position on Andros Island in the Bahamas. I first meet Dave when he arrived in West Palm Beach to do his in-processing. I think our friendship clicked when we meet and it grew from there. Dave and I have kept in contact either by phone or e-mail ever since. Dave is one of the bests people I have meet in my twenty years at AUTEC. He is a true friend and as far as I am concerned I think we thought of each others as brothers. We had a lot in common in our backgrounds. I spent 20 years in the Air Force. I was a true adventurer in my younger years. I have visited 64 foreign countries and have worked on a number of DOD contracts. I will truly miss talking and e-mailing Dave and we had planned on getting together again one of these days. Dave is and always will be a dear and true friend and Brother that I love, I will miss him so much. I will cherish his friendship, memories, and the good times we shared together.
Please express my heartfelt sympathy to the rest of Dave’s family. I hope one day I will be able to meet some of the family.
Respectfully and with Deepest Sympathy
Larry N. Coleman
To some Dave is a Superhero….
A couple of years ago about 20 of us went on a canoe trip for 3days. We had rain the entire time and acutally broke a NJ record with 14 inches of rainfall in a 24hour period.
On the second night we camped on an island. We pulled our canoes far out of the water and then hiked up a 10ft embankment to our campsite. When we woke up in the morning the river had risen 8ft and swept all of our canoes away. As we sat there and waited for help, Dave and Dan Rado emerged from a tent, with a wetsuits on that left nothing to the imagination. Dave told us that he had a plan to rescue us. He was going to head to the most upstream tip of the island and jump into the river to swim across to the otherside. Once he got to the otherside he was going to walk two miles to the ranger station. As he explained his plan some of the bystanders starting calling him "Scuba Steve", after the cartoon action figure. "Scuba Steve" was a character who rescued people when they were in trouble in the water.
Some of my friends from college had never met Dave before this trip and the ladies were impressed with his bravery since the Delaware was an intimidating brown color with lots of debris traveliing at about 10 mph. Dave never did jump into the river that day but his good intentions were well received and I think the mere sight of him standing on the water’s edge may have attracted some attention to us. State Troopers in a motor boat came by shortly after Dave’s mission into the woods.
To this day my friends still talk about "Scuba Steve" and how great it was to meet him on that trip and how he was ready to stick his neck out on the line to get us all off that island.
The idea of Dave being gone is not one that I have been able to stretch my mind around yet. I keep thinking to myself, like so many others have in the past week and a half, why such an incredible person, why Dave? Is it possible that deep down in his soul he knew that his life was not to be 70, 80, 90 years in length, but much shorter? Maybe that is the reason he lived and loved as intensely as he could. Maybe he knew that his time was limited with us, maybe he fulfilled his purpose here and we can all be better people from the lessons that we learned from him about living. Have you ever met anyone who soaked up life like Dave?
Dave, thank you for being inspiring and fun and full of life. Your ability to leave an impression on everyone that you met is a testament to what a dynamic person you are. I promise to always remember the time we spent together with a smile. I love you and I will miss you…
xoxo, Becki
Dave,
I can’t remember which one of our wise old friends said this to me last week as we celebrated your life, but I remember hearing these words: "It is not so important how often you see your friends, it’s who you are when you are with them that counts." These words continue to pop into my head when I think about you, which is all the time lately.
When I look back on my life from ages 13 to 18, you are a constant presence. We had so many special times and up-all-night phonecalls during those years. We each played such an important role in who the other "grew up" to become. There are so many memories and they have continued to race through my mind over the past week since you left us.
My memories of our friendship post-high school are categorized by year and by the far away destination from which you had recently returned. Our different experiences over the last 11 years had no negative bearing on our friendship, they only made for juicier conversation. I am so grateful that Peter had the opportunity to become your friend as well, as he has a deep respect for our friendship.
You possess the gift of making any and all friends in your presence feel as if they had just seen you yesterday. You are one of the people in my life who has known me best, and you never ceased to remind me of that. You had the ability to make people around you feel special, even if you did not particularly like them. You were and you will always live on as "a golden boy" in my memory. The fact that you were everyone’s friend never compromised your friendship to anyone.
I am not ready to say goodbye to you, as this still does not seem real to me. You are probably somewhere laughing at me for being so sappy. I will miss you forever.
I love you,
Laur
Ara, thank you for creating this outlet for Dave’s rambling friends.
I had some of the best times I’ve ever had at River Vale Country Club working w/ Dave, Sean, Dan, Chris, Squigger, Jim Bar, Moodie etc… What a great person, group of friends and job. Every one truly cared about each other and work was great. I learned a lot about friendship from how these guys loved each other. I was lucky enough to fall into this crew and spend time w/ these guys. When I look back, this was the best time of my life. I was younger then everyone, but from then until Dave passed, he always was a great friend. I could tell by the look in his eye that he cared about me and was always happy to see me. He truly cared about my life. This is true for everyone that loved Dave. Some people ask how you are and what’s going on in your life just to be polite. With Dave, I always knew he was sincere. I don’t know who on here knows my sister, but, other then her, Dave is the only person that I’ve never heard a bad word about. I think that Dave truly was larger then life. Always so happy to see the people he loved and so happy to offer a helping hand. He is the definition of a real friend. I will never forget him!
-Kerne
Dave- I have some things that I need to say. I will forever remember who you are- You did not live in the norm- you really cared- Most people in our lifetime get caugt up in the bullshit- you never did… Life and people were so important to you- and that is one of the many things that made you so special. Dave- It sucks that something liket his tradgedy is what makes people so close, and realize what is really important. I will save your message you left me the day before you left- It helps me think about life through a different eye! I can not wait to spend an eternity with you- I know you and Brendan are sittin up there drinkin good beer and waiting for us all to join ! You are part of my second family- and always will be, an enourmous influence on my life!
xoxoxoxo
Rosie
Dave was such an outstanding person. Huge smile, warm hugs, and always made you feel welcome. When we were in 7th grade or so Dave told me and a few others a beautiful story one night in the meadow. I always told Dave that I was going to write it and publish it and give him half of the dough. Everyone that I have ever met since I met Dave knows this story because I love it so much.
After finding out about Dave I thought about the story once more, and realized how much it represented Dave too, at least the Dave that I remember from growing up. (I saw him recently but we have not really caught up in a while.)
It was about living together in harmony and how we should all just get along….
Here it is, Dave’s story…..
A long time ago, before there was man, there was just the animals.
There were lions and tigers and birds and squirrels.
And the lions and tigers thought that they were so much better because they were bigger.
G-d saw how they were all fighting and said this is no good, so he threw a blanket over them.
The lions and tigers tried and tried to lift the blanket, but they could not.
So they called upon the birds to help.
They all made a plan, and the birds started pecking little holes in the blanket.
G-d saw how they were all working together and said, for half of the day I will leave the blanket on to remind you that you all have to work together. And for half of the day I will take it off since you are all trying to get along.
When G-d takes the blanket off we have daytime.
When G-d puts the blanket on, we have nighttime; and the stars in the sky are the holes that the bird pecked in the blanket.
In other words, work together, be nice, and live in harmony.
I also just want to say that I will always remember Dave as my buck tooth brother (in a good way), that I can still picture him doing the running man in middle school (in puffy pants of course), and the many good times that we all spent together in high school.
He was a great friend and a great person and I am so very sorry for his loss to us all.
My heart, thoughts, and prayers are with you.
Dave-
I don’t even know where to begin. Many years have passed and you have proved to be the most outstanding friend anyone has ever had. I remember the days of being in my ghetto apartment four or five years ago seeing a weird internationional number come up on the phone. Thankfully I answered it and it was you, the sunshine in my life. I will always remember the days in Rutherford- God help us all. You have always been the best friend anyyone has ever had. You know I was always able to talk A LOT- I know somtimes you wanted to say " Alright Car, Enough".: I feel that was the situation about a month ago when I burdened you with my wedding plans. I knew you would listen, not saying you wanted to, but you would. I gave you detail to detail of what was going on and you still listened. You always listened, and that is is one of the best characteristics anyone could ever uphold- especially knowing me! I will miss you more than you can imagine. You knew how to deal with me and granted that was a hard task, but you were still my confidant and friend. I looked forward to every e-mail I received from you and felt special to be a part of you life. You are and will always be a very special part of my lfe. In my eyes you will never be gone; your spirit will live with me forever. I will be with you soon; but wait till I play At Last at my wedding and I know you will be there dancing with me.
Please check my grammer.
Love U kiddo-
Car & Chris
P.S. Sorry if that wasn’t eloquent. My words, having a hard forming them; Basically, needless to say; I love and miss him like to death. Again Dave check the grammer?
When Caroline called and said she had bad news my immediate thought was that she had run out of gas or locked her keys in the car which wouldn’t have been a big suprise. Instead, she told me that Dave had passed away and it hit me like a ton of bricks. I saw you a few days before you left for Utah at Bourbon where we drank a beer, talked about the old days and discussed your big trip to Utah. I found it truly amazing that you were going on this mission and realized that there was no way I would even consider doing something like that! I hadn’t seen you in quite a while before that night but immediately recognized that you had not changed a bit. You were still the same Dave that had more of a passion and respect for life and friends than a thousand people put together. The experiences that you had in 29 years of life will overshadow the experiences that most people will have in their entire lifetimes. I will never forget our days at the "shack" and anyone who hung out there knows exactly what I’m talking about. I have never had so much fun in a garage, or whatever the hell it was, and never will for the simple fact that the times spent there were with my best friends. You are the second dear friend that we have lost from the crew but it should give us all strength in knowing that you are both smiling down on us right now! I’m sure that you are climbing the highest mountain in heaven and will end up on the top just like you always did in life! I send my deepest sympathies out to your family and friends around the world. We are all lucky to have had a friend and brother like you. You are no longer here with us physically but we can all have strength in knowing that we will be reunited with you one more time and boy is that going to be one hell of a party! Thank you for the impact you had on my life and the many others who cared so much about you.
You will be missed but never forgotten…
Rogge
I am not going to sit here and say I knew Dave that Great at All! In fact, just hearing of what an unbelievable person, family, and friend Dave has been, I just wish I could have had the chance to have known him better! I Didn’t know him as well, or even had the same chances to have him around as most did! I see all the Amazing things Dave was and is, and all he has accomplished, and honestly makes me rethink Life, priorities, and GOALS!!!! We miss you Dave! I wish it was planned for our paths to have crossed more frequent and the stops to talk were longer. . . .
How many ways do I remember you Dave? The guy who could always make you laugh even after the joke had completely crossed the line. The adorable sentimentalist who had a way of listening and insightfully offering his thoughts. The adventurous traveler who was always exploring while still demonstrating the keenest interest in others’ experiences. The boy in high school with whom I would hang out on my back deck while philosophizing over trivia we discovered on the bottoms of Snapple caps. The outdoorsman who introduced me to the beauty of a trail. The man who always had a story to tell….
There are endless ways I remember you, Dave. I will never stop reflecting on your beautiful and unique ability to bring light to life. I will never ever forget you and the many different ways you touched all of us.
Your loving friend, Em
I have known Dave since 7th grade. Even though we didn’t really see each other since high school, it still didn’t make the news of him passing any easier. Dave was always a happy, friendly person and he will be missed greatly. To Dave’s family and close friends: my deepest sympathies. God bless you during this difficult time.
Jessica
Dave, Family and friends,
There are absolutly no words to describe how much Dave touched my life. We met at holdrum in 8th grade during one of my many childhood transitions. Over the years that followed Dave was the only friend i ever kept in touch with. We shared so many good times, and even a few bad ones. This world is a lesser place without him, yet even in his tradic passing i know many of us will grow from it. I loved dave like family and respected him more than most people i ever knew. I will never forget our conversations of life, politics and so many other topics. He tought me tolerance and a love for life that i will take with me for the rest of my life. Dave you will never be forgotten and im a better person for knowing you.
My sicerest condolences to all who morn the passing of this truely unique and amazaing man.
Brett Adelman
My name is Stephen Fry. I worked with Dave During the year he was with the Police Dept out on the island. He was my supervisor and my friend. We were on Midnight shift most of the time and that gave us a lot of time to get to know each other. We could litterally talk for hours and did on many occasions. We would talk about everything from the job to what we wanted to be when we grew up. Dave was one of those people you or anyone else immediately feels comfortable with from the very first second you meet him. Dave was one of those people that make a person feel better about themselves just by being in the room. He was my friend and he will be missed!
The poem below was originally written for pilots, but I found that just by changing one word that it takes on an entire new meaning.
High Flight
Oh! I have slipped the surly bonds of Earth
And danced the skies on laughter-silvered wings,
Sunward I’ve climbed, and joined the tumbling mirth
Of sun-split clouds – and done a hundred things
You have not dreamed of – wheeled and soared and swung
High in the sunlit silence. Hov’ring there,
I’ve chased the shouting wind along, and flung
My eager self through footless halls of air.
Up, up the long, delirious burning blue
I’ve topped the wind-swept heights with easy grace
Where never lark, or even eagle flew.
And, while silent, lifting mind I’ve trod
The high untrespassed sanctity of space,
Put out my hand, and touched the face of God.
Peace be with you Dave,
Stephen
My name is Tyrone Scott and I am so deeply sorry for this loss. Dave was a great great person. I first met Dave in the Honolulu airport while waiting to board the plane to go to the Marshall islands. We attended the police academy together there and did a lot of things together. I am totally numb thinking about how someone like him could suffer like he did…..that is just wrong! I ran and worked out with Dave on a few occassions and Dave always carried a HUGE ass jug of water….always. I ended up being a sergeant on the Day shift and he was a sergeant on the night shift. I would pick him and his water up at 5pm and would give him a ride home at 5am….and his jug would always be at least 3/4 empty. The man was in great shape and very careful about what he put in his body….this is just wrong on all levels. To the family, I am so so so sorry for your loss…..don’t stop fighting though!!!
Hello Cori and the Bushow’s Family.
My name is Damon Brown, I’m doing all that I can to take this tragedy in. I last corresponded through e-mail with Dave right before he ventured of on his journey a few weeks ago. I’m stunned by this sadness, however I’ll try my best to convey the positive impact that Dave had on me. Dave and I worked in The Marshall Islands together. I was his Lieutenant on the Police Department and a friend. Our friendship revolved around drinking water. He motivated me into getting back in shape and to go on a 44-Day cleanse. I bought this big water jog, Dave’s jog was much bigger, he was more dedicated in drinking water also, but I did my best to keep up. I always welcomed all of Dave’s health recommendations with excitement. He was a wonderful person and a great Sergeant. I will never forget him. I’m also back in the sates now and I know that it’s going to be hard for me when I get around to putting my workout bench and pull up bar together, I bought Dave’s from him before he departed the Island. We will be together during my workouts from now on. D.B. & D.B. We have the same initials which automatically gave us a connection. And more-so when I get around to building my Dome Yurt –homes. ïŠ
The Buschow family my thoughts and prays are with you throughout this grief stricken period. “David will never be forgottenâ€. Damon.
Hello to all and my sincerest condolences to Dave’s family and friends.
I worked with Dave at Kwajalein Atoll. Though we worked on different islands, we did spend a month stretch working on Meck Island, so we did get to know each other some. Dave was always upbeat and never seemed to be in a bad mood. While we were on Meck, Dave brought up a hammock and placed it between about the only two trees on the island, so he could watch the sunset. I thought that was a novel idea, since nobody had thought of that yet! Dave was one of those guys you could count on and I tried to talk him into staying at Kwajalein, but he had other things he wanted to do. I saw Dave the night before he flew out. He flagged me down in my vehicle as he was walking down the road towards Kwaj. Lodge and we talked for several minutes. That moment will stay with me.
Sincerely,
Michael jones
On August 17th. 9:32P.M. (EST) let’s light a candle in memory of Dave. It is meant to be a healing ritual without any adherence to religion or creed, just a simple lighting of candles to bring us all together.
A candle holds and also releases light and thinking of the light we take time to think of Dave. Each of us can light our own candles in his or her own way, privately or with friend and family. Since we share a common love, when all the candles are lite, we will all be joined in love and spirit.
We should all be able to set aside one day a year to celebrate Dave’s life. The purpose is to set a day and time to keep it going.
Love,
Krissy your Step sister
Dave, we will remember all the candles we have shared in our lives, Zion Candles, birthday candles and Christmas candles. You are loved and missed.
To the Buschow Family,
My thoughts and prayers are with you. I’m so sorry for your loss. Dave and I worked together in the U.S. Marshall Islands. The time I spent with Dave will never be forgotten. He was a good friend who will be greatly missed.
Emily Dickinson (1830–86). Complete Poems. 1924.
Part One: Life
VI
If I can stop one heart from breaking,
I shall not live in vain;
If I can ease one life the aching,
Or cool one pain,
Or help one fainting robin
Unto his nest again,
I shall not live in vain.
I would like to thank the hundreds of people who have supported our family during this devastating time in our lives whether it was through postings on this web site or cards and letters.
The postings on this site are the best medicine for us. Although many bring tears to our eyes with the sadness and outrage everyone is feeling, it also brings a smile to our faces knowing that Dave touched so many lives in so many different ways.
They say a person never dies so long as someone remembers them. It is reassuring to know that Dave will live on in our memories for the rest of our lives until one day we meet up with him again with a smile, a hug, and a bottle of Guinness.
Please continue to visit this site and share little memories that may pop into your head–I know we will. We would love to share your memories so they become ours, too.
Love and thanks to you all!
Pat (Dave’s mom)
Dave,
I can still hear your sweet voice saying "hey peggy!" It’s as clear in my head as if I just saw you yesterday. Unfortunately I haven’t seen too much of you over the past few years, and didn’t spend very much time with you before that. But the times I did spend with you were always good ones. You were always nice to me, and even when you teased me, it was endearing. You took my little brother under your wing and taught him alot about friendship and appreciating life. Thank you for doing that. You were a friend to me, even though we did not know each other very well. I’m still learning alot about you…about your poetry…your love and enthusiam for life, laughter and friendship. I’m sad and sorry that I can no longer learn about these things from you, but I’m happy to know that your spirit continues to live on within all of us who knew and loved you… and I know that you will continue to live on in all our hearts. Thank you for being my friend and for helping me to see the goodness in life.
With love and respect,
Robin
Dear Dave,
It’s taken me while to be able to write to you, and even now I struggle with expression. It has been some time since I’ve seen you. The last time was at Rob’s house, sitting outside and catching up. It’s amazing how after so many years, it can seem like no time has passed at all. Those years we spent growing up in Holdrum began my long journey to adulthood and I will forever love those who were part of that journey, and you, Dave, were a big part of that. Thank you for making this world a better place, and I know that you are continuing to do so.
Peace and love,
Dusty
Thank you all for your memories, and this beautiful dedication site
Dave,
It has taken me a long time to write to you, It has taken me along time to believe its true you are gone.
I just wanted to say that I know exactly what you meant when you spoke just as I know you understood me.
When I went swimming in the sea when it was too cold you didnt think I was crazy for wanting to experience, thankyou!
And I loved and admired you for jumping at things when the otherside was unknown.
You are the only other person I’ve known that shared alot of my views on how to live this short life and I have always been comforted by your existance,. Knowing you existed and were out there in this world, doing as you do just as I have for years.
Wish we could have one last conversation , but maybe now you are listening all the time and answering in other ways- the universe will interpret.
I quote a line from a book I know you have read and loved
"when you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you achieve it" – The Alchemist
perhaps now you are achieving it.
my love, respect and admiration always
jessica
Dearest Dave,
You will always be in my heart and never forgotten. I love you.
-Aunt Alida-
Had some bad news today….turns out that a friend of mine passed away. Funny how we are reminded from time to time that we are not meant to stay here forever. The way i found out was crazy…about 2-3 weeks ago i had got an email forwarded thru his sister…i am thinking ok just another chain letter so i will delete it…but today i saw the title and it was like in memory of Dave and i am like what the hell? so i read it and got the news…A little about the history of me of Dave: We were stationed together in Greece. We are quite a bit different but just clicked. Dave is into adventure and partying and trying things new. For those that know me i am quite boring…lol…but even after Greece where he got out of the Air Force we stayed in touch. The last time i talked to him was back in like Feb or Mar and we talked about old times and people and how we needed to get up sometime soon cause i was planning on going to see my family up in NY. Dave is from and lived in NJ. We exchanged a few emails back and forth since then but nothing major…i had even listed him as a reference for a few jobs…damn….but anyway thanks for listening and take care
R.I.P Dave Buschow
I know it’s taken me a long time to write, as well. All along, I’ve been trying to write in my head, but it’s been clouded with devastation, confusion, and so much anger. I know that each day, I’m not alone with constantly distracting pangs of poignant reality. It’s been impossible to find the right words to keep this somewhat short, and concise, and complete. I’ve come to realize that I could ramble on, and on about what Dave was to me, and fill every available byte on this host, and still not do him justice. Well, Dave, I know you like to read…
It’s very true that he brought joy and laughter from a young age, and even then he was so alive with each new experience and adventure. Dave (Davey back then) was introduced to the ocean when he was about 3. We hit the sand on Long Beach Island at dusk when we arrived for the weekend, and walked down to the surf. Immediately, off came the shoes, and there was Dave running, cranking up and down the packed wet sand, giggling, and laughing, and giggling. I mean he was booking with those little legs! Back, and forth. And laughing! Like some invisible magical fairy was chasing him at 100 mph, tickling him from behind with a feather duster, or something. His mom remarked, “He’s a runner!†I reminisced about this with her at Dave’s wake, and we smiled, but then she said, “yeah, but then you told him there were crabs under the sand, and he wanted to be heldâ€. I didn’t remember that, but when I thought about it, I did remember showing the kids that as the surf washed out, if you stuck your hand in and scooped up some sand where the air holes popped though, and then let the surf wash the sand out between your fingers, you were left with a prize – a perfectly harmless little sand crab in the palm of your hand. I also remember sitting on the beach the next day when Dave came up to us, presenting his sizable plastic sand castle pail spilling over the brim with his new “petsâ€. Once we explained that we couldn’t support saltwater creatures, and that they would die, and this was their home, and they should be here with their families, he reluctantly walked off to let the poor things go. As his mom playfully chided, “you had to show him that, didn’t you?â€, we noticed Dave corralling up some of the other kids who were there on the beach with their families, and who just happened to have similar pails full of pets, telling them that they had to release the crabs, and why. Perhaps, at the time, the significance of Dave’s gift was considered simply to be “cuteâ€, but already he was absorbing, understanding, then sharing knowledge, and had a following.
Knowing he couldn’t take the crabs home, he just spent the rest of the afternoon catching them, and letting them go, but not one at a time. He’d fill the pail and then dump it, marveling at the magnificent sight of a couple hundred sand crabs all quickly burrowing into the wet sand at the same time. Just diggin’ the experience.
It’s also very true that Dave was born into a particularly tight family. When his older brother, Rob (Robbie back then), joined the Cub scouts, his then single mom with three small kids, who worked at two jobs, some how fit in even more personal time to study, and become a Den leader. Rob’s scouting experience became a family experience that they would share for years to follow, but Dave had to wait a couple of years (a substantial amount of time at that age), noticeably impatiently before he was old enough to publicly display his comprehension of, and adherence to the motto “Do your Bestâ€. I think that if there was one creed that Dave made his own, to which he lived right up to the end, it would be that.
Of course, having a mom as a leader has its ups and downs. The pride in Dave for his extraordinary amount of awards, and accolades was deepened, to those in the know. His efforts for his success at the achievements (and Rob’s, as well) might have been a little tougher than normal, due to the care given to ensure no possibility of nepotic advantage. Those guys really “representedâ€, so to speak.
And, yes, Dave was a runner, and so nimble on his feet. In his early teens, he took an interest in soccer, and became a star. What did they call him in the newspapers? “The Wall�, because you couldn’t get passed him? He gave his family so much to be proud of!
But who knew, who could have guessed? I mean, pretty much like anybody, Dave grew up with the wisdoms, and ideals of the ages preached to him, on top of the values of the scouts. But Dave, who could have known how much you were making sense out of it, and really finding the best in everyone, and everything, and understanding it, or really learning from every experience or example, bad or good, and making it a part of you? Who knew you would have the gift to look inside people and quickly see, and understand what made them tick, learn from it, and give back out to everyone, the things that made good sense to you?
Maybe this loss is so intense because so many people saw an understanding of themselves, or what they wanted to be, in Dave.
For his career, like his father, and grandfather, he chose to help people, to take responsibility for any situation, no matter what it takes. Dave made it reap as many new experiences as it could, though, working at it in very diverse areas of the world, and learning, growing, and sharing.
He discovered his love of the language, and like his mom, and probably through her, understood another one of those life postulates: that good communication skill is paramount. But, Dave took it to his level, and honestly, his articulate e-mails are a good part of the reason that there is a link to dictionary.com on my personal tool bar. One thing that threw me a bit was hearing the praise of Dave’s vocabulary, but also that he didn’t go to college. I believe that Dave had gone to many schools for his expertise. For an actual “college†education though, how many grads do I know who could not conjugate a verb, and wouldn’t know a past participle if it bit them? I don’t believe that what Dave had can be taught. On his own, he continually found and learned all that he needed, or that interested him, or made sense to him, and then some. I think he could take it in, mix it in with himself, and continually give out in word, or example all of the best of it. I mean, I didn’t get to see him so much in recent years, but when I did, I felt proud to see all of these things in him, and felt comfort in his presence.
Dave’s love of the land, and his respect for nature were life long. He had hiked and frolicked in wilderness since he could walk, and later in life, vastly diverse wildernesses. I don’t know how long he had the itch to homestead, but I know that itch. Dave was actually going to do it though. How cool is that?
But, for that hike, that “impactâ€. Dave, we all know that if you were just dropped, butt naked, four unfamiliar, treacherous, searing miles from a drink, today you would be raising our laughter with your account of the experience.
But you gave it your very best. You were dying, yet you encouraged others. You just stuck with the program, even though you could have easily turned the situation your way. There’s a distinct limit to how far I would push a seasoned MP. Or, you could have just given up, but you gave it all you had. I think you also put too much trust in learning from the experience that could be had from what should be $3000 worth of expertise. Unfortunately, that was the last lesson you learned from your experiences on this earth.
I miss you, Dave. I mean I’ve missed you for years, but I miss the security of knowing I could see you again. And, I’ve got to tell you, dude, for nothing else of my walk on this planet, if I can believe that something, or anything that I offered up in those formative years helped you to become the fine person, the outstanding, caring, thoughtful, respectful, insightful, sharing, brave, confident, strong, peaceful, wonderful man who could reach right in and touch the souls of so many people, then I am complete.
Sir, it was an extraordinary honor to be a part of your life.
I love you, man.
Dave,
Please take good care of Sammy. He loved you and the times that you shared outside. He died under your hammock swing, waiting for you to walk him to his new home. Give him a big hug for us and let him know that we love him. Please help him to understand that we did what we thought was the best for him. I love you both.
Until we see you two again,
Cari, Todd, and Sierra
A Christmas message from the family:
We wish all of Dave’s friends a very Merry Christmas and Happy New Year. Naturally, we continually feel Dave’s loss in so many ways. No matter where he was he called home on Christmas morning and unwrapped the gifts everyone sent him while he spoke to each of us. He knew how important it was to all of us to be connected, especially during the holidays. We really looked forward to him being home this year.
I will post pictures of our Thanksgiving trip to Jamaica to show where we spread some of Dave’s ashes. It was the perfect place–between two palm trees holding a hammock overlooking a quiet cove. I will also post a picture of trees planted in River Vale in Dave’s honor and a poem that Dave wrote for me.
We have a lot of catching up to do…
Love to all,
Pat
A few weeks ago I decided to go Pheasant hunting. It would be my first time back to the area that Dave & I hiked through just a short time before his death.
Pheasant hunting for me has always been just another excuse to enjoy God’s Great Classroom. The gun simply comes along for the ride. The sounds, the smells, the beauty of the wilderness. Since Dave left us, I find myself talking to him a lot. This day was no different. As I walked the same steps that we walked together months before, I was torn between peace and pain. I looked for the same tree where we had our “power” lunch of Chik-fil-A sandwiches.
I must have looked and sounded like a Grizzley Adams-like lunatic.,wandering from tree to tree, trying to find that one pine, amidst the hundreds of others while babbling to myself and Dave. Well Dave & I found the tree and I decided to have my lunch. I took off my pack and laid down my gun and thought “I should have brought a Chik-fil-A in Dave’s honor.” I guess a granola bar would have to do this time. I sat, remembered, listened and was honored by the energy of Dave’s presence. I asked Dave to send me a sign that he was present. Not because I needed proof, but more or less to see how inventive he could be. The completed thought hadn’t even left my mind when a hawk shrieked above me. I looked up but couldn’t see it. Again it called, again. I still couldn’t find it in the clear sky above. The third time it called, I realized that all three calls came from the same location. It wasn’t soaring, it was perched above me. As I sat smiling, 2 male pheasants close by, were determined to ruin the moment with their constant cackling. They were about 30-40 yards away, completely undercover in thick underbrush. The noise went on long enough for me to finally say, “Okay Dave, where are they?” A moment later I heard my hawk shriek and 2 pheasants flushed from 40 yards in front of me. Passing to my right, and landing 75 yards behind me. I was so startled by the commotion, that it took a few moments for it all to register. I sat against the tree for awhile,gathering my thought, and felt…or thought…or heard…”Uncle Bob, lets go.” I grabbed the gun and stalked 75 yards to where I saw the 2 birds land. Again in a hedgerow of thick underbrush. I was about 30 feet away from the area, wondering how I could get them to flush when one of the strangest things I’ve ever seen happened. A small hawk, about the size of a Coopers, swooped down from my left into the brush. Two roosters flushed up right in front of me, only 5 yards away. I stood there frozen as they flew away.
Again I felt…thought…or heard…”Uncle Bob, you’re supposed to shoot!”
Its a blessing to know that I can still hike with my Nephew.
Keep your hearts and minds open. Dave’s little miracles are everywhere.
Peace and Love to you all,
Bob
Dave…its been a while since someone has posted to this site…but its not that we haven’t thought of you. We miss you as much as always.
I was on the very next trip after Daves death. (BOSS)
I have wondered since then what ever happened to him.
This is a very nice website and it is an honor to see a little bit of his life.
Dave,
That was a beautiful story that your uncle posted above. I’m glad to know that you’re still with us all, and present in the most beloved moments of your friends and your family.
While Dave was in the Marshall Islands last year, I told him that my mother’s family, the McAteer Clan from Ireland, was invited to march in the upcoming St. Patrick’s Day parade. I had always wanted to SEE the parade in person, but to actually march in it would be quite an experience. I knew he didn’t really like parades, but when I asked if he would join me, he didn’t hesitate a bit and quickly said, “Sure!”
I explained that we would go into the city the night before to attend a dinner reception on a yacht with the McAteers and some of our immediate family. At the same time, we would celebrate my parents 60th anniversary. Everything was fine with him. It was a lovely evening. Dave and I stayed in the city that night while the rest of the family went home.
St. Patrick’s Day will always be such a special memory for me because Dave and I hadn’t had such a lengthy one-on-one for such a long time. We had a leisurely breakfast, stopped and listened to street entertainers, and just took our time getting to our step off point.
We had so much time to talk about everything and nothing while we waited for our turn to step into the parade. We sat on the floor in a hotel lobby watching and listening to bagpipers and drummers rehearsing their performances while we talked about music, books, life plans, his concern for my well-being, and my concern for his.
As we marched, I looked down to notice the green stripe on the street and looked up at the Manhattan skyline against the beautiful blue sky and laughingly said to Dave, “This is just sooooo cool, isn’t it?” Dave was pretty amused at my childlike excitement. I waved and smiled at everyone while Dave just smiled at my enthusiasm.
It was such a wonderful day! I guess life has a way of giving us one last chance for a special memory. Although I am devastated that he is gone, I am so thankful we had this time together.
The last picture of just the two of us was in front of the Clann McAteer flag in the hotel. (See Poems–Physical Empathy)
I would just like to express my deep sympathy for your loss, and my disgust with the BOSS guides for their terrible judgment. Not only did they make a fatal mistake, they failed to apologize and instead tried to place the blame on Dave. I hope you find peace in your heart with your memories.
I have read the tragic story about Dave’s death. Although I am a total stranger, tears welled up in my eyes and I felt anger about what happened. My deepest sympathies to you all. It is clear how much you loved him and will miss him forever. I sincerely hope that such a senseless tragedy is never repeated. God bless you all.
I just read about this unfortunate tragedy. My heart goes out to the family. I know that time heals all wounds, however, it still is so fresh and may take a while.
Can you update the site as to whether anything happened to the BOSS group for their inability to recognize when someone is in trouble? I find it ironic that these people say they are experts in survival techniques but could not recognize the obvious signs of struggle that Dave was going through.
I am grateful for the news media bringing this to light. It will educate people to the absolute risks that one takes in joining up with this type of adventure. But more importantly, it brings to light the abhorrent behavior of the BOSS people and their insensitivity and incredulous attitude in not taking responsibility for the death of a human being.
You see, I am a firm believer that with all tragedy comes some sense of justice and good. The education that Dave’s experience is bringing to many people is in some small way a ray of hope to the family. At least that is what I hope is happening.
I also believe that we are all eternal. You will get to be with Dave again. I have been so uplifted by what everyone has said about Dave. For only being on this earth for 29 years, he certainly lived a full life. What a great, dynamic, full-of-life person he his. What a great example.
Thanks for sharing………………………Jeff
I read this story and I am appalled. I am so sorry for your loss. I am angry.
This was a murder and I hope the BOSS guides never ever forget what they did to this man. They have blood on their hands and I can not imagine why charges could not have been filed on the leaders for negligence. What chicken-shit prosecutors. I would be livid if this had been a relative of mine. How can you not pursue this?
I just came across the article about this tragedy. I am so sorry for your loss.
As Susan mentioned in the above post, I don’t understand the mentality of BOSS. Those “expert” guides were supposed to spot this kind of thing. What good are they otherwise? I hope they get sued to the point where they go out of business. It was a clear cut case of negligence, and the way they’re reacting to it in the press makes it even worse.
My prayers are for the family and friends that survive Dave.
Just stopped by and read about Dave, sure sounds like a great guy. I’m sure he makes heaven a better place.
Disgusting story. I am a military veteran and a medical student, and I have no idea what a person is supposed to learn by going without water through the desert. This BOSS organization should be sued and shut down. I didn’t read anything about any medical personnel being available. When we did anything strenuous in the military, at least had a medic available to assess our situation. What medical training did these “guides” have? CPR only? You don’t have to study medicine to know that water=life, and from my training so far I can tell you that no one is going to die from dehydration without some early, obvious, and correctable warning signs. However, with all due respect, I also have to question the mental stability of anyone who would pay $3,000 for this “adventure”. Therefore I suspect that this “BOSS” organization must lead their customers to believe that this is relatively safe trip.
I just came across this article on my homepage today.I am so sorry for your loss.
I am glad the news keeps bringing this horrible tradgic needless death to light.I would like to know what is happening to BOSS.They need to be stopped,shutdown.It sickens me to know they lay the blame on him.I’m so glad his memory lives on and will forever
My thoughts and prayers are with you all.God Bless
I am sure that I am one of many people who read of Dave’s remarkable life and tragic death today and said a prayer for him and all of you that continue to keep his memory alive. Hopefully the loving thoughts that we strangers are sending out into the universe will bring some sense of peace and renewed strength to his loved ones who fight to fully live their lives (as Dave would’ve wished) while struggling to prevent another senseless loss of life. May you who miss Dave feel supported as you press on. Your website is a tremendous tribute to an obviously memorable man.
I wish you all the best. Remember the good times spent with your lost one. We can’t understand what is planned for us. I can see that loosing him brought a close family even closer. All of my sympathy goes out to you. As you grieve, I hope you can take some solace in all that Dave accomplished while he was here.
I just came across this story, and have been reading your website… Dave was truly a unique man with a deep love and understanding of family and life… I am so sorry for your loss. It warms my heart to hear how much you all love each other… friends and family… a beautiful blessing that a lot of people never experience.
Because of your website….the circle of people Dave touched continues to grow… there is now another person, that never knew and will never forget Dave, his story and the joy one individual can bring to so many. Thank you for sharing… God bless
I’m sorry to hear about your loss.
Although I am a complete stranger and never knew Dave, I cannot express my deepest sympathies enough for your loss nor can I express the utter anger I have toward the senseless treatment that was given for another person’s life. In reading about Dave I can understand given his adventerous spirit why he would want to undertake such a journey, but I would assume Dave would never have expected that the “guides” that were there would have allowed such a thing to happen anyone. You do not build people up by breaking them down – and that is exactly what those “guides” did. They may have broken his physical body, but in reading of Dave they obviously would never be able to have broken his spirit.
While I would hope that “justice” will eventually be served, I am confident that somehow, somewhere, someway that Karma, Allah’s will, God’s wrath, or whatever you’d like to refer to eternal justice as will eventually find its way to all those that were associated with the loss of what many have called in their responses “a good friend to all.” No good will come to those who profit in the misery of others and the people that run “BOSS” are the lowest forms of life for doing so. It’s sad that they can’t even offer an apology after all that and shameful that they blamed the victim.
What a tribute this website is from all the comments and a source of good for shining the light of truth on BOSS. I’m sorry I will never get a chance to meet the man, but from what I’ve read Dave would be proud of what has been said and done in his honor. We should all have people that care for us the way people have given from their hearts for his life.
I just finished reading Dave’s story. What a tragic and preventable loss the world has suffered. I didn’t know Dave but, after reading his story and his family and friend’s shared stories I feel that I too have lost someone special. My thoughts and prayers are with all of you. I am going to share your love story as an inspiration to my family and friends.
I am outraged that the people/company that are directly responsible for his clearly preventable death are still allowed to go on and profit when they should be behind bars guilty of murder or at the very least negligent homicide.
I am going to urge everyone I know to boycott BOSS and send letters of outrage to them. How can they look at themselves in the mirror and not be disgusted?
My condolences and may god bless you and your loved ones.
I remember, as a Boy Scout over thirty years ago,a similar experience (but not resulting in death) and today, I still have nothing to prove.
BSA (Boy Scouts of America) Troop 1, Asunción, Paraguay – South America. On the third day of the “organized survival camp out” also no water (other than occasional licks from the Pirareta River (were told it was not drinkable without iodine treatment) and therefore prohibited. During one of the many hikes and on the third day, it dawned on me (a call from God, I believe to this day). I had started into one of the many hikes but when no one was looking and not that they were, since I can now reflect that I was in a state of delusion due to dehydration, I back tracked to their camp area and guzzled the scout leader’s (and his hand picked assistant leader’s) fresh chilled water (which they had been nursing on for a few days ) to my hearts content. I had a few Guaranis stashed and hoped a bus back to Asunción and dumped the Boy Scout leadership forever.
Never again, will I or have I followed these “fearless” or should I say sadistic self centered leaders. The backup water reserves are only really reserved for themselves or obtained through special favors or approval.
These are mad men, not teachers, leaders or anybody you would want to trust.
The BOSS individuals responsible, should be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law. Not as a corporation, but as individuals and be held criminally accountable!
I came across this story on my homepage (San Francisco Chronicle) and am glad I did. His life, through his poems and these loving stories and tributes, really touched my heart. It’s obvious that Dave was an exceptional person who cared deeply about life and his relationship with others. It resonates from the page that he touched many lives with his beautiful spirit. I am deeply sorry for your loss but know he lives on in your hearts and even now, almost a year later, his story continues to live on to uplift and inspire others who never had the pleasure of knowing him.
I really didn’t want to bring this up, because I wanted to remain positive, but my conscience won’t let me ignore it…
I, too, feel that the BOSS program holds a great deal of responsibility for Dave’s death, and am shocked at their (lack of) response… that they did not apologize and essentially blamed him. Ultimately, it really doesn’t matter what Dave did or did not do before the trip, the warning signs were there and they did not have the Expertise, Common Sense, or HUMAN DECENCY to help a fellow human being in need. I think there should be an investigation into BOSS and these types of programs, and regulations instituted (i.e., required medical personnel), so that this doesn’t happen again… and especially so that they can’t shrug their shoulders and walk away without even a slap on the wrist. SHAME ON BOSS. I think it’s Universal Truth in action that this story is still being disseminated. I hope it sheds a glaring light on the practices and unconscionable response of this company and that, for Dave’s sake, Truth will prevail.
I know you take comfort that Dave is on an adventure in another, more beautiful place and that you will see him again someday, and I believe that also. Dave did not die in vain.
May God Bless You All.
I, too, am outraged at BOSS. Dave’s death should not be in vain and those of us who are outraged at this tragedy should focus our energy in a positive manner. I emailed The History Channel and told them that I would boycott the show that Josh Bernstein hosted (Digging for the Truth).
I for one cannot watch Bernstein on TV knowing that his company is directly responsible for the death of such a wonderful human being. BOSS and Bernstein have no shame and I let The History Channel know this.
I also emailed BOSS and let them know what I thought of them. They broke every rule in the book by letting Dave get into the condition which lead to his death. He needed water hours before he finally collapsed. The BOSS guides were completely incompetent.
Email The History Channel and BOSS. Let your voices speak for Dave. For people like Dave who lived to serve others, this is now our chance to make our voices heard.
I read about Mr. Buschow’s untimely demise, and wanted to offer my condolences to you and your family. From reading the Remember Dave website, it seems as if he was an exemplary human being.
What an exceptional person and what a tragic, senseless loss. I stumbled upon this article in yahoo and I am so glad that the news of this tragedy has gotten out. BOSS and Josh Bernstein have been exposed as utterly irresponsible and self-serving. To all Dave’s family and friends, please accept my sincere condolences.
What a fine person Dave was.
I saw his story on my homepage also, have read your entire (wonderful)website, his poetry, etc.
Those of you who knew him were lucky. What a shame to lose someone like him through the circumstances you did, but perhaps it will serve as awareness or even a wake-up for these sadistic rituals, and the people who are responsible.
I am so very sorry for your loss. He did leave you great parts of himself, and although not enough, it is something to cherish and honor.
I just read the story about Dave, his great life and senseless death.
I think the way BOSS is replying to this tragedy is deplorable. And the fact that the guides were able to carry on with the hike knowing they had the one simple thing he had needed to stay alive, water. I know such adventures are a risk but it’s called “Emergency” water. Is emergency water for guides only, is that whose emergency it is for? The fact that he was hallucinating, his mouth was swollen, I’m no expert but I’ve taken Wilderness Survival courses, those are signs that the brain and body are starting to shut down. It’s not like they didn’t know what he might need, that was fairly obvious. Instead of lying to him about not having water at some point, much earlier than his final breath, someone should have sent the rest of the group along and said “I think you need this, it’s not a sign of weakness, your life is more important than anything else.” At least he would have had the option to not take it.
Just because he signed a waiver doesn’t mean he knew that the BOSS employees would actually allow him to die when it was apparent he was in serious trouble and they had the means to save him. It doesn’t matter that the water was only 100 yards away, it could have been a foot away or 3 miles, the fact is he needed it when he needed it and so it is inexcuseable to withhold it.
And so what if he ate or drank too much before the event, he was a paying customer, not to mention a human being, and I assume the guides have some sort of medical training or that they have normal IQ’s and that no matter what they think he did “wrong” before the “adventure” it doesn’t mean he deserved neglect and death. If they suspected he hadn’t trained properly along the way, they should have stopped the carnage and called for someone to come get him. What is worse, sending him back alive and mad or sending him back dead to his family? Surely the program has some sort of backup for situations where they think someone is not fit for the full journey. You can’t wait until he’s dead to decide he didn’t train properly, that should have been obvious to them long before he collapsed if it was truly the case.
Replying only by email the BOSS owner is being a coward. He sounds very cold, I’m wondering what pushing the limits of his mind and body have really done for him as a person. He should be deeply sorry, devastated, he should be rethinking a few things in their program and those guides shouldn’t be employed any longer.
If BOSS doesn’t want liability issues, they shouldn’t even have the guides carry water. It would be one thing to say “We don’t carry water with us so you could possibly die” and have it be the truth. But it’s entirely another to say it and really have the water on you. They had Dave’s life in their packs and they chose to risk his life for him. They lied to him by withholding. He was given no choices. He died thinking they had nothing to help him. Once he was that delerious he was no longer capable of making decisions and demands for himself and his own well-being. If they had offered the water, he would have taken it and at the worst he would have been angry that they gave in, but at least he would be alive. Someone’s life should always be the first priority.
I’m so very sorry to Dave’s family and friends and especially his mother.
Continue your fight with BOSS, you may save someone else’s life. I just wish THEY had saved Dave’s life, or at least TRIED.
Jill
I can’t find the words to describe how sorry I am for Dave’s family. He touched so many lives. I find myself wishing that I had crossed paths with him myself.
While I don’t know that BOSS should be held accountable as an organization, the counselors’ judgement is highly questionable and the official response – blaming Dave – is absolutely abominable. They should be lamenting his death and promising to investigate their procedures to make sure this does not happen to anyone else. It is obvious to me that the fact that this has never happened before is nothing more than a lucky coincidence and not due to any particular skills or expertise on the part of the counselors.
My heart goes out to everyone who was personally affected by Dave’s death and to his nieces and nephews that will never know him.
Dave and your family have been on my mind since reading on May 2 of his death. I feel so deeply sorry for your loss. Dave obviously touched many lives and he will be very missed. Although he and I had never met, he has also touched mine and I am experiencing tears and sadness. Along with many others, I am at a loss how the seriousness of his dehyration could have been missed or misjudged by those in charge. Please accept my condolences.
Dave,
Even though we hadn’t stayed in touch over the years, I always was overjoyed to see you and especially to hang out with you. You are one of those genuine people that is so rare. You ought to know that you are a constant thought of mine. You are so missed and loved and will never be forgotten.
Hi, My name is Diane. I live in Philadelphia, PA. A few days ago I was watching the news about Dave Buschow. If you ever need any psychic advice or support feel free to contact me at.
AppleOfEden20@aol.com
I am mortified by the Register article I read today about Dave. Boss failed in teaching him to survive. He didn’t. The rules of the game should have been broken. The guides should have know the signs of dehydration and attended to them, no matter what. They could have prevented this needlesss death.
I wish the family well and may Dave rest in Peace forever in God’s hands.
Dave,
It has taken me almost a year to be able to express my thoughts here. It is not that I have not visited this site, but I could never find the right words. Although we were good friends in high school, as the years passed, we lost touch. However, whenever I did run into you, it was like no time had passed at all. People go their separate ways, but that does not mean we do not think of each other. You were always such a special person to me, and I felt unbelievable guilt when you passed away. I was mad at myself for letting the road between us become too long. I think that is part of the reason that I could never post a comment on this site. But, I know that you would tell me that being mad at myself was not the right thing. I think of you quite often and miss your contagious laughter and the ability you had to make someone feel good about themselves. You were such an honest and open person, and those qualities are hard to find in people. You touched so many lives and made a difference with yours. I miss you so much, you will always be a thought in my mind. You will be loved forever, and will never be forgotten.
A beautiful photo of a smiling young adventurer and two page article in the Coeur D’Alene Press Sunday paper in North Idaho caught my eye. It could have been my own adventurous 30 year old son. I am so very sorry for your loss. This life is such a mystery, sometimes so very beautiful and sometimes so very hard and painful. I know as a mom I would not trade one moment of special hugs and talks with my own precious son and daughter. My heart goes out to all of you. You have created a beautiful memorial to your precious son, brother, friend that will inspire thousands of people to treasure every moment with their own loved ones. Let us honor Dave’s adventurous and loving spirit by drinking in with grateful hearts the wonder and beauty that is all around us everyday, everywhere on this beautiful planet Earth God created for us . May God bless you and bring you comfort and peace.
My name is Steve Buffinton and I was stationed with Dave at Offutt AFB, NE from September 1996-March 1998. To the Bushow family, I give my condolences. I just learned about this tragedy from a mutual friend of ours back at Offutt, Gabe Mendoza. He called me on 3may07 after reading about this on a news website. (Buschow family, keep it up!) He recoginized Daves picture, read the story, ands called me up. First I’d like to give a story about Daves good nature. Dave was involved in something during our shift at Offutt one night and had to write up a report on it (I don’t remember what exactly it was). There were 6 of us in the CSC (Central Security Control) room, The controller, our Flight Chief, Dave, myself, and our respective patrol leaders. Dave hands our Flight Chief his report and after reading it, he takes off his glasses, looks at Dave and say’s “You can’t put “Due to my cat-like reflexes” in your report.” The whole room erupted in laughter. That was just like Dave, lifting everbody’s spirit.
Dave was also my sponsor at Offutt when I first arrived. I was assigned to Dave’s flight which was cool because I already kinda knew Dave from him being my sponsor and we became good friends. I was from Omaha (where we were stationed) so my little brother always hung out in the dorms, and Dave was alway’s great to my brother also. I’ll be posting more stories about Dave soon, but I’d like to comment on Dave and his training for a minute. I, like most of you, have a lot of anger over this situation. This is a tragedy that was definintly avoidable. First we were taught extensivly on how to avoid heat related injuries from day one of basic training. Second, due to the nature of our job, (being that we were First Responders) we had to be trained in what to do in case of an emergency. (I was given an accomidation medal for treating someone for heat exhaustion.) Third, our base, more so our squadron, was on constant rotations out of Saudi Arabia. So desert environments and survival in them was crucial in our training. So far in my reading and from my personal relationship with Dave, I believe Dave should’ve been leading that group. If Dave would’ve you could bet no one would’ve died that day. This is an absolute outrage. And for BOSS to place blame on Dave is outright wrong. When a man starts hallucinating, something is wrong. What kind of “instructors” are they hiring out there? Dave was a great man whose sense of adventure was only dwarfed by his heart, those who know him know exactly what I mean. Today and forever my heart will mourn the loss of my friend. Brothers in Arms. Brothers Forever.
My sincere condolences to Mr. Buschow’s family and everyone who knew him. It’s so heartbreaking to lose someone you care for, especially since it did not have to happen.
What I find most reprehensible of all is that the so-called “guides” secretly offered water to TWO other members of the group, but refused it to Mr. Buschow. They just let him die; for that, BOSS needs to be shut down. Hopefully the family’s federal suit will accomplish that.
Bernstein is indeed a coward, to respond only by e-mail. Perhaps he’s afraid he’ll mess up his perfect hair if he leaves the ivory tower.
I am a retired Air Force Senior NCO. I do not know Dave personally, however, being from the same branch of service, I feel the camaraderie and Esprit de Corps that exists between Air Force members. I came across Dave’s news article and it made me sick to my stomach! BOSS failed him miserably that cost Dave his life! I cannot believe the guides’ negligence. There were MANY signs of dehydration, and they chose not to act to save Dave. Dave death was preventable and the guides’ actions not to save Dave were inexcusable. What is appalling is that BOSS hides behind the so called “waiver” and blamed Dave for his death! It is shameful that BOSS is trying ever conceivable way not to be liable for Dave’s death — they are a bunch of cowards, hiding behind the “waiver.” Dave’s family will have their day in court and the TRUTH will come out. BOSS should be shut down for good! I will give my farewell and final salute to Dave and will honor his memory for his service to our Nation in the United States Air Force. My heart goes out to Dave’s family and may God bless and comfort them.
“May the road rise up to meet you, may the wind be ever at your back. May the sunshine warm upon your face and the rain fall softly on your fields. And until we meet again, may God hold you in the hollow of his hand.” ~ Irish Blessing
Mike DeGuzman
Master Sergeant
U.S. Air Force, Retired
Member, Veterans of Foreign War Post 1503
My heartfelt sympathy to all of Dave’s family and friends, and especially to his immediate family. As a mother myself, I cannot imagine the overwhelming pain of your loss. From reading the news articles and the many wonderful tributes to Dave, he sounds like a truly remarkable, insightful, and loving young man.
I don’t know anything about this survival course, the owners/employees of BOSS, or the “waivers” that Dave signed, but I do know that life is precious. The intentional withholding of AVAILABLE, LIFE SAVING water by these “guides” is nothing short of inhumane, barbaric and beyond comprehension. ANY reasonable person, with or without medical training, understands that a person who is hallucinating is no longer in a sound mental state and requires intervention from others, especially if his life is in jeopardy.
In my opinion, this wilderness company, BOSS, needs to be shut down. I wish you every success in finding legal justice for your loved one’s tragic death. Nothing can rectify your loss. My hope is that making those responsible for Dave’s death accountable for their gross negligence might prevent a similar tragedy in the future.
May you find solace in God’s Grace.
Happy Birthday Dave, I love you.
Happy Birthday Dave, we miss you everyday. I thank God we had our fishing day, that is the memory I will hold on to until we meet again. We love you, Pat and Dad
Happy Birthday Dave!
Today we celebrate the special day that you came into our world. This morning Abigail and I sang Happy Birthday to you. Since she just came into our world recently, I feel strongly that she is still keeping up her ties to the other side. We all miss you very much and think of you every day and will always treasure the gift you are to us!
Love Aunt Jan & Uncle Bob
A Birthday Remembrance
A family get-together like so many before. Rob had already had his birthday dinner just a few days earlier. Now it was Dave’s choice for his birthday dinner and he picked one of his favorites — chicken scampi.
I made two chocolate cakes; one for Rob and one for Dave. We sang our usual Happy Birthdays, took pictures, and they both blew out their candles. Dave’s gifts from me were all the supplies he needed for his upcoming survival course.
We had gone to Campmor several days earlier. He was so excited with everything. Because he needed to organize his “stuff” and break in his new hiking shoes, I broke my rule of making him wait until his birthday to actually get his gifts. He was thrilled.
I gave him a funny card and wrote that he should enjoy this last year in his twenties “because next year you’ll be an old man of 30!” How I wish that were so.
The evening was no different than all the other birthdays we shared together — family, laughter, and his favorite food. And, of course, the annual lighting of his baby birthday candle.
I lit his candle every year from his first birthday to his 29th birthday, sometimes twice; once in my time zone and once in his. Occasionally, he would make his wish on the phone while I blew out the candle.
I will continue to light his candle every year on his birthday and hope, wherever he is, that he is making a wish. I often wonder what Dave wished for that very last time and it breaks my heart that it didn’t come true.
We said our good-byes. He had some socializing to do and a fishing trip planned with all the male members of the family; something that had never happened before. So I suggested that he bring his cake home to snack on with everyone.
Less than two weeks later, Dave died.
After his memorial service, I went to Rob’s house. Sitting on the counter was the cake pan with just a tiny sliver of his cake remaining. A book sat on the armchair with a bookmark where he had left off – never to continue again, and his room just screamed his presence. How difficult those moments were and how I cried.
All I could think about was the day he was born (exactly 30 years to the minute as I write this). I looked into that tiny, little face and said, “What’s ahead for you, little guy?”
Thank God I didn’t know.
Dave, we miss you every waking moment of every day and I am so thankful that you shared our lives for 29 years.
Happy 30th Birthday.
Love,
Mom
RTLV
Happy Birthday sweetheart!!!
Wish you were here.
Love you
xo
Rosie
Happy Birthday bud.
Happy Birthday !!!… i know you are everywhere tonight! There is no doubt. A beautiful orange moon sky over the city. Thanks Davey!!! Your comforting soul is just what we all need! i love you Cuz …..
Dave,
I’m a day late to post this, but I’m sure that you knew that I was thinking about you all day yesterday. Happy 30th Birthday – miss you and love you so much! XXOO
-Suzanne
Although I can’t guarantee that Dave wrote this, I feel pretty sure he did. He scribbled it in the middle of his “to do” memo pad. There are cross-offs and word changes that makes me think he authored this.
In any event, whether he did or didn’t write it, Dave felt these thoughts were important enough to write them down so I wanted to share them with you.
“We find it way too easy to accept our limitations, and ignore our aspirations. The narrow focus of the future renders one blind to the present.”
Pat
It was a night as ordinary as most nights. I read, while mindless shows were on tv; Super Nanny and Wife Swap. Nothing special about that night. Little did I know that thousands of miles away Dave was taking his last breaths and that a freight train would careen into our lives in just a few short hours to change our lives forever.
This past year has been a sheer nightmare—the profound sadness, the stifled outrage, and the relief to finally be able to tell Dave’s story to the world. People could now understand our outrage at Dave’s senseless death.
I wondered how I could possibly get through each day, but every morning I got up and put one foot in front of the other. That’s how it felt. I wasn’t “living,” but I was moving. Little by little, despite the ever-present pain, I began to notice that the flowers were once again blooming, the birds were singing, and the chipmunks were scampering about. I never noticed these things last year. And even though I am noticing little joys now, there is deep sadness in my soul—in every waking minute.
So on the anniversary of losing you, Dave, I can say that my heart is still broken and will be so for the rest of my life. I will continue to honor your memory in ways that I feel would make you smile and say, “Alright Mom!”
You know that I miss you more than words can say.
Love,
Mom (RTLV)
Hey there little brother..
Just want to wish you a Happy Belated Birthday… better late then never.
It is very hard for me to go on this site.
You are constantly on my mind.. every day I think of you and all the fun we use to have together. Your niece Cayla asks for you all the time. At night for no reason at all she will look outside and say ” Good Night Unca Dave, I love you & miss you..” then she blows you a kiss. I get an instant lump in my throat.
I am trying to move on with my life & be happy b/c I know that is what you would want. It is all so very hard.
After going to a tarot card reader and listening to what she told me.. I want you to know that I will let loose of all the anger I have inside. It has taking over my spirit and my soul and I have to change that. I am not mad at you for taking so many chances in life. I admire it, I just wish they were not so dangerous.
The family understands how sorry you are for putting the family through something like this, this is the last thing you would ever want. You never wanted to cause any amount of stress or sadness for any of us.
I knew you were with me.. I could feel it & she confirmed it which brought me to tears. ( and this was from a lady who knew nothing about me.. I just put the cards down on the table.. and she started to talk to me.)
I love you little brother.. and I miss you more then words could ever express. This past year I have been in a complete fog, on auto pilot.. I need to start taking care of myself again.. for myself & for my family.
I love you Dave..
Ya lil’ Devil.. ya lil’ critter…
Love,
Cori
I was looking up Araxos in google and stumbled across this website. I am shocked that Dave is gone. He was very genuine person who was light years ahead in maturity compared to the rest of us young guys over there. A lot of people who were stationed at Araxos rotted their days away in the dorms, eating chow hall food. I do not remember ever seeing Dave’s bags unpacked from the day he got there. He was too busy exploring the country and soaking in as much as he could. My sincerest condolences go out to his family and loved ones.
Blake
Dear Family and Friends,
I feel compelled to share another “Dave†miracle for the sole purpose of recognizing and honoring the joy and comfort that this brings to us.
We have a beautiful butterfly garden in our backyard. Every flower that we have chosen is meant to attract birds and butterflies. Last year, right after Dave left us, we discovered a “mystery†flower that we hadn’t planted. This flower seemed to come out of nowhere.
We never even noticed the plant. It was a fuchsia Lavatera. The flower bloomed straight through from July to late October. Immediately we dubbed it Dave’s Flower.
We have a different species of Lavatera. It’s pastel pink, and blooms in late July for about 3 weeks or so, and has been a part of our garden for 15 years. This spring we were curious. Would Dave’s flower come back? I marked the spot with a stake, and sure enough it came back now with multiple stems. It provided us with many beautiful blooms that the butterflies visited constantly. ITS BLOOMING TIME WAS OVER IN ABOUT 3-4 WEEKS! All last fall we knew that Dave’s flower was special, and this summer it just confirmed the miracle that we knew in our hearts was tied to him.
Love to all!
Aunt Jan
Just to touch base with everyone…
New postings are coming soon. Remembrances from friends and family—a strenuous, but fulfilling, day on July 17th; a gathering to celebrate Dave’s productive greenhouse; and special places of remembrance during my upcoming trip to Italy. Things are always happening behind the scenes, but be assured, I will share them all with you!
Don’t forget…we’d love to hear from you, too!
Pat (Dave’s mom)
I just wanted to say that my thoughts and prayers are with Aunt Pat and Rob on there trip to Utah. Im so proud of you all, and Im honored to be a part of this family. I know that Dave is with you, as always, but especially today. I hope everyone will say a prayer for them on this difficult day.
I miss you Dave. I always will. You really set the bar high, i dont think I will ever come close… but I’ll try my hardest, in hopes to see you again one day.
Love,
Mike
A Christmas Message from the Family
We wish to thank all of Dave’s friends for all their love and support this past year. His lifelong friends have been the absolute best, but we also want to thank those wonderful people who never knew Dave during his life, but became his friend by getting to know him from all of the postings and stories that have been shared. He was one helluva guy! We all know that, don’t we?
I don’t remember too much of last Christmas. I guess I was still in shock. I just remember feeling such a deep, deep sadness. And while there is a hole in my heart for Dave and I miss him every single day, the healthy part of my heart continues to love and enjoy my wonderfully supportive family.
A lot has happened this year. We’ve remembered and will continue remembering Dave in wonderful places that we will share with you along the way—just the way he would’ve wanted it.
Merry Christmas Everyone!
Pat
(Dave’s Mom)
Happy 31st Birthday, Dave!
Once every year we all celebrate our birthdays and look ahead to what might be in store for the next year of our lives. It’s just a blank piece of paper waiting to be filled.
Dave, although the pages of your future remain unwritten, you left us with a book filled with lessons on family, friends, and a wonderful zest for living. The meaning of YOUR life has and will continue to affect the pages of the lives of all those you have touched.
In preparing for Rob’s birthday, Cayla said to Cori, “Mommy, when is Uncle Dave’s birthday?” When told it was just a few days away, she yelled to her baby brother, “Yay! We’re gonna see Uncle Dave!!” As Cori explained that Uncle Dave was still “up in the stars and can’t come home,” Cayla seriously asked, “He can’t even come home for his birthday????”
Wouldn’t that be wonderful?
Dave, the yellow ribbons are around the trees as they were whenever we expected you home from one of your trips and your birthday candle will be lit once again in celebration of your life.
I miss you more than words can say!! Happy Birthday!
Love,
Mom
RTLV
Family gatherings, laughter, finding that perfect gift for each person, and watching the wide-eyed wonder in the eyes of my grandchildren are all the things that make my Christmas special.
Cayla is giddy with excitement as she waits for Santa while Tyler is content to watch all the hustle and bustle around him.
They both make me smile.
Yet always behind the smiles are the tears waiting to erupt at the thought that Dave is not here with us for another Christmas. And even though I enjoy my family more than I can say, there is a steady ache hidden just below the surface. The emotional triggers can be anything from the Chipmunk Christmas song to special handmade crafts made by the little boy we called Davey.
So as I look at the Christmas tree and see his baby ornaments and many other markers of his life; the snowboarder, the soccer player, the Airman, and on and on, I take a deep breath, wipe away the tears, and whisper “Merry Christmas, Dave! We miss you. How we wish you were here!”
Pat
(Dave’s Mom)
It’s hard to believe that it’s been three years since Dave and I marched in the St. Patrick’s Day Parade. It is such a bittersweet memory. (The picture at the top of this blog is of Dave waiting to march in the parade that day.) I was given a wonderful gift of having a lengthy one-on-one with him while we waited to step off into the parade. With over five hours of waiting, I learned more about what Dave wanted to do with his future than ever before. It was then he happily agreed to accompany me on a trip to Ireland one day.
Another of his plans was attending a survival school the upcoming summer. It saddens me that this was the only one he ever accomplished; however briefly.
So while the memory of that special St. Patrick’s Day will warm my heart forever, I am saddened that it was the last.
Happy Birthday Dave! Thank you for the beautiful day.
Love you. xoxo
Happy Birthday Cuz! It’s a really tough day for your Family today and this month in general. Please send them a sign that you’re with them today. It will make today even more beautiful.
Love,
Chris
Happy Birthday Davey!!!I MISS U EVERY DAY. As i sit here in my office right now i cant help but notice all of the little things u left me.Thank you for being around. Theres no doubt in my mind that your still around in spirit. Please bring some comfort to all of us that are remembering you today. And to Aunt Pat: Thanks for bringing Dave into this world and raising him to be the great man that he is! Today must be so hard for you. I admire your strength and wisdom. Im proud to be your nephew.
Hey thanks for taking time out from all your adventures to hook Grandma up Big time. Monica pointed out to me that you and Dad must have put down your Chess Game to make it all work out so perfectly. Really…I am extremely grateful for all the spiritual help we had today. You guys RULE!
Dave,
I celebrate your life every single day; not just on July 6th. But on this special day so many treasured memories flood my mind; the childhood birthday parties, the traditional chocolate cake with vanilla buttercream icing, and your annual dinner selection of chicken scampi (unless, of course, if you had a date). The last time I made it was for your 29th birthday.
This was the night you threw a clump of spaghetti at Cori. She thought Rob was the offender. As they battled it out, you stood nearby with a devilish grin at the scene you had just created. Of course, I was yelling, “Stop it before someone gets hurt;” a phrase I’d said a million times before to the three of you. We were all laughing, but Molly was the happiest of all to get the extra treats that were flying around. We still laugh about that night. I notice that we laugh more at our memories these days than we cry—a good sign of healing. But in the quiet of the night, I still cry for what could have been.
The yellow bows are around the trees. The luminarias will be lit, along with your birthday candle, and we’ll quietly wish you a Happy Birthday. And, trust me, tonight I WILL cry. 🙁
I love you, Dave.
Mom
“Has it really been three years?” This is the question I’ve heard so many times. It’s reminiscent of when you see a pregnant woman in her ninth month and say, “Boy those nine months sure went fast!” For you, perhaps, but certainly not for her. Time sure does fly, doesn’t it? Well, actually, no, it doesn’t when you’ve lost a child. Time stands still. New memories aren’t made, new photos aren’t added to your album. New stories can’t be shared. You hunger to hear the memories of others so they can become yours, too. You become experienced in hiding your feelings and smile when people tell you how well you’re doing and how strong you are. Life moves on. You adapt. You love. You might even sing. But underneath it all; you hurt. Yes, you hurt very much.
My message to Dave: We feel your presence every day in the beauty of a butterfly, in the words of a special song, in the whisper of a gentle breeze, and in the serenity of the mountains.
A quote from Ghandi says it best: There are no good-byes for us. Wherever you are, you will always be in my heart.
Love,
Mom
RTLV
Three long years- U will be loved and missed by EVERYONE forever!!! Last night Chris and I were saying how ironic the terrential rains were to such a sad date, and lack there of at the time. Love and miss you forever!!! Car
During this difficult time in my life, I think of you everyday and the wisdom you shared with me. Your words have guided me through some tough decisions…Thnak You! Love you and miss you:)
Thanksgiving reminds me to be thankful for all that is and was in my life, and for that I am thankful for you Dave. I miss you. Love Jill
Although there is not a day that goes by that I don’t think about you, on special holidays I think back to the special times we shared together. When you couldn’t be with us, it seemed we enjoyed your Thanksgiving meal by proxy. You had to know every dish that was served and I knew exactly what would bring about oohs and yums (turkey and gravy, double-stuffed potatoes, homemade biscuits) and what would bring the “I’ll pass on that!” (cauliflower with cheese sauce and turnips). You shared what your govt-supplied Thanksgiving was. Even though the food wasn’t too bad, you sorely missed the happy family time we’d share around the table and all the great leftover turkey sandwiches!
Dave, I can’t begin to tell you how thankful I am for having you in my life, but for today, I just want to say thank you for one special lesson you taught me: To rethink my priorities and live life. (Yes, the son taught the mother.)
Love,
Mom
Merry Christmas Dave…just wanted to let you know I noticed your “presence” in recent weeks and I really think it is so cool that you are so involved in our families activities. I’m sure there were many other signs you were giving us that I failed to notice. Your creativity still amazes me…you still can make me really laugh!
Love AJ
The luminarias are flickering out one-by-one. The presents are under the tree. The stockings are filled and we wait for the Christmas madness tomorrow morning. But on Christmas Eve when things are quiet, my thoughts bring me back to so many memories of happy times.
One of the snapshots in my mind’s eye of Dave is of a little boy of about three or four walking down the aisle at church carrying a cross. He, along with all the little children, wore a white shirt with a big red bow. As they stood in front of the congregation yelling their Christmas carol, he caught my eye and beamed a proud smile. As he waved wildly, he yelled at the top of his voice, “Hi Mommy!” Everyone laughed, including me — with tears of pride in my eyes. And even now, the memory of the moment brings tears to my eyes, but now they are tears of sadness. I miss that happy little fellow.
I miss you, Dave. Merry Christmas!
Love,
Mom
RTLV
As we enter a new decade, we look forward to the next with cautious optimism. The media looks back at the highs and lows of the millenium decade; new technology, health scares and advancements, politics, wars, the economy, scandals, and a mini-biography of those important enough to be remembered by all of us.
My first reaction to the approaching decade was “Good riddance to the old. This was the worst decade of my life!” It was time to review the decade as I remembered it. I reflected on my initial thoughts and came to the conclusion that the “downs” were so off-the-charts, that they overshadowed some pretty special times. I reminded myself that there were weddings, new babies, parties, vacations. We had Dave, George, and Dad in our lives for over half the decade. How could I trash the entire decade? There were so many special times.
I look to the next decade with the hope that our lives are healthy and happy. (Uneventful would be nice, too!)And, that we all realize the importance of family. Don’t wait til tomorrow to tell each other how much you care. You may not have another chance.
My biggest sadness for the next decade is that I won’t be able to share any of it with Dave. I hear a new song and wonder if he’d like it. I got a Kindle electronic reader for Christmas. I know he would love it. He probably would’ve asked for it before I even knew it existed.
Well, midnight will come tonight and I’ll do what our family always did when we were apart on New Year’s Eve—mindlock as everyone yells Happy New Year.
Dave, I hope you haven’t forgotten! We love you!
Love,
Mom
RTLV
I just wanted to let Dave’s family know that I still think about Dave and his entire family all the time and hope this new year is full of love and peace for you.
St. Patrick’s Day is one of those days that evoke such specific memories for me at specific times. “Oh, it’s 10am, we were sitting in a diner in the city having breakfast now and this is when he told me about the Survival Course.” Then, “Now is when we sat and listened to the South American street music and I bought two of their cds.” “We were still marching right now four years ago and he was carrying the McAteer flag.” And so on and so on. I wish I could remember every single word. Every so often I’ll remember something else and it’s like I found a lost treasure. I hold onto it very tightly so I won’t lose it again.
It was a beautiful sunny day and life couldn’t be better. Just four months later….
Your wisdom continues to inspire me to choose my path in life…a long time ago, you helped me see something in myself and that stays with me always. Miss you.
How I hate that your birthday falls in July because invariably it falls during a heat wave and all the weathermen and newscasters warn all of us to stay hydrated, avoid heat stroke, and on and on. This year’s no different–record breaking heat. Remembering it’s your birthday is tough enough, but the stifling weather just makes it so much harder.
The other day a friend asked me how old you would be on this birthday. So many memories are at the tip of my tongue, but why didn’t I immediately know you would be 33? I pondered it aloud to my friend and suddenly realized that I will always think of you as 29; when the clock stopped and the world stood still for us. No matter how old WE get, you’ll always be 29!
There is an old Cherokee expression that goes, “When you were born, you cried and the world rejoiced. Live your life so that when you die, the world cries and you rejoice.” That’s my wish for you on your birthday—that you are rejoicing in a new life and that someday we’ll all meet again.
Happy Birthday, Dave. I’m sure Cayla will make you a special card and she’ll want to sing Happy Birthday to you, as she always does, when we light your birthday candle. I’ll water the flowers around your tree and quietly send you my birthday wishes.
Love,
Mom
RTLV
On this fourth anniversary of your passing, I wanted to gather our family and have the kind of day you always enjoyed–a barbecue at Rob’s with all your favorite food with the people you love. There were lots of laughs as the kids took turns getting rides on Rob’s quad and being pulled around the yard in a wagon. The mini zipline was a hit with all of them. As usual, the adult cousins laughed at private jokes. I always imagine you amongst them laughing right along and, many times, being the source of the laughter.
As the day came to an end, each of the children carried the luminarias to the railing of the deck so “Uncle Dave could see the candles.” The picture of you enjoying a beer by the fire sat in front of the candles. It was very sweet and very touching.
It is reassuring to know that your friends visit your tree; some have left plants, a flower, a large rock, and some, a few tears. Some speak to us while we are tending to the flowers of how much they miss you and how much your life and death have affected their lives. Whether it’s through e-mails, Facebook, or phone, your friends and family remember you and miss you.
As it nears midnite, I always feel this deep sorrow as I recollect of the worst phone call of my life; a phone call that just couldn’t be real—but sadly, it was.
I miss you, Dave,
Love,
Mom (RTLV)
All the Thanksgiving leftovers are stuffed every which way in the refrigerator. Once again we have all vowed never to eat again, but Rob and Grandma still took their doggie bags to enjoy another day. The kids are sugared up with chocolate turkeys and chocolate cake. The turkey was done on time and all of the favorites shared the spotlight with a few new additions. As I made each new recipe, I contemplated whether it would be a new favorite for you. By all appearances, it was a successful holiday. It was, I guess, but I truly believe
that no matter how enjoyable a special occasion is, there is always that giant hole because you’re not here to share it. I want to give you your own doggie bag. I miss you, Dave. Happy Thanksgiving!
Love,
Mom
Each year I continue to hang Dave’s stocking as I did every year – even when he was away. As I hung his stocking this year, Cayla asked Tyler, “Do you know whose stocking this is?” Tyler said, “Uncle Wobbie?” She said, “No, Uncle Dave.” He just looked at her with no recognition to what she just said. He never knew Dave. I had to turn and walk away. I really hate that he has no memories of Dave. Writing the Christmas entry each year magnifies how even I only have a limited supply of Christmas memories of Dave.
Some memories naturally blend with those of Cori and Rob and the combination of those experiences gives me an all-around warm feeling. But those specific to Dave are becoming harder to single out. Why can’t we remember the little things, too? Why does our brain file away our daily little unimportant (so we think) details of our lives? Why can’t we relive just one single day from beginning to end and relish the simplicity of it?
Recently, there was a story on tv about people who remember details about everything in their lives. My first thought questioned whether their brains feel overwhelmed with all that information, but then I realized how wonderful it would be to be able to pull up any day in my mind and know what happened that day. Was that the day that Dave—once again—woke up late for school or was it a day he won the Pinewood Derby at scouts? Was it the day when he was around three years old that he accidentally told me my Christmas gift and was crushed that he slipped or was it the day (like many) that I hugged him goodbye? What was his favorite gift each year? A bicycle? Karate lessons? Atari? Skateboard? Soccer Gear? Would I see his eyes light up once again? I wouldn’t have to worry about those little “unimportant” details slipping from my mind.
Memories definitely keep us going, but they also make us very sad when we know we can’t make new ones. I can only continue to make new memories with my family and try to give them the best Christmas I can so someday these days will become their special memories of our Christmases together.
Merry Christmas, Dave. The luminarias are lit, your stocking is hanging with the rest of the family, and it just doesn’t get any easier!
Love,
Mom
A low-key New Year’s Eve has always been my style, but I really didn’t want to do the exact “Groundhog Day” type of celebration. No dinner (with horrible service AND food), no movie, and no standing in the livingroom as we wait for the ball to drop so we can yell “Happy New Year, Woo Hoo!! Good-nite. See ya tomorrow.” I had considered traveling and it’s a good thing I chalked it off my list awhile back now with the remnants of the airline blizzard mayhem. When I’m stuck for an idea, many times I will say to myself, “What would Dave do?” Outside of really partying hard (which he loved to do), I decided to welcome in the New Year outside–under the stars—in frigid weather (another thing he’d love to do). I’m pushing my mother’s limits and bringing her (kicking and screaming) upstate so she can “enjoy” spending a different type of New Year, too.
Rob has already cleaned all the snow out the firepit and will burn some Irish turf I bought to remind us of our trip to Ireland. I will light a luminaria for Dave and we’ll welcome in the New Year in a very special way—a way I’m sure Dave would love, too!
Happy New Year Dave!
Love,
Mom
RTLV
It’s been five years since Dave and I marched in the St. Patrick’s Day Parade in NYC. This day holds such a special place in my heart because it was the last time Dave and I shared a special occasion. This should have been a beginning; not an ending. But in scouring my mind for every little event of that day, I smile as I recall jokingly asking Dave before the parade if he would like to carry the flag–knowing full well he wouldn’t. As expected, he gave me a sideways glance with raised eyebrows and said, “I don’t think so.” That was just fine with me. I was just glad he was marching. I knew he didn’t want to stand out carrying the flag.
After we had been marching about a half-hour, one of the McAteer organizers just pulled Dave to the front of the parade and told him he was switching with one of the fellows carrying one of the flags. It was an honor and she wanted him to feel a part of it. I smiled and shook my head as I looked at Dave. He gave me a look that said, “Did you put her up to this?” I shrugged and adamantly shook my head NO, but I still smiled anyway. It was windy so the flag kept getting wrapped around his head. It was pretty funny.
Happy St. Pat’s Day, Dave.
Your Lovin’ Ma
I think of Dave often. Going through some of the most difficult times in my life these past few years and I am always asking myself…what would Dave say to me right now? Now matter what the situation, he always knew what to say. So wise for someone so young. I miss you!
Just wanted to say how much I miss and often think about you! I always think about our conversation three days before you left… again… you were right!!!
I took your advice and finally went to Brendan’s grave last christmas… 10 years later
I’m not much for closure…
I miss my boyz!!
Happy Birthday, Dave!
At 34 years old, I was starting a new phase in my life as a single parent.
At 34 years old, Cori began her journey as a new mother,
And at 34 years old, Rob lost his brother and had to live in a new reality; one that was not a friendly place.
34 years old–What would you be doing now if you were still here with us? I can only hope that one day we will all be together again and can continue our journeys together.
Happy Birthday, Dave.
Love,
Mom
RTLV
To Dave’s family. I have been reading the memorial’s on Dave’s website, and have been so touched with the love, and admiration each person had for Dave. How wonderful to keep his memory alive by helping other people. My heart breaks when I read the posts, especially from Pat, Dave’s mom. Losing a child, no matter what age is the worst thing that could ever happen to a parent. It takes incredible courage and determination to go forward and live your life with a missing piece of your heart. I was fortunate to have met Dave, and to have spoken with him over the phone several times through the year’s. I would always announce his call’s to Pat by saying “pat, I have YOUR DAVE on the phone. His warm friendly personality, came across loud and clear. I will never forget Pat’s call at work telling me of her terrible loss. Ironically, my birthday falls just a few days before that tragic day. Your family is a source of inspiration to all of us. I want all of you to know that I will never forget this day, and what this wonderful young man stood for. We could all learn from his love of Nature, and his gift of frienship to others.
Sincerely,
Eileen Lebegue
I cannot spend this day as any other day. I just can’t. Actually, I try my best NOT to be in the house on the night of July 17th. Being in the place that has such horrendous memories at very specific times is very hard to bear.
Cori and I spent this weekend at Omega Institute, in Rhinebeck, NY. It is a very calming place with meditation, yoga, massages, Reiki, and workshops in all subjects with positive, uplifting messages.
There was an outdoor santuary in the middle of the woods with calming trickling waters, lily pads, and lovely flowers. To sit quietly and reflect in such an area was good for our heavy hearts. In Dave’s honor we left a crystal in the rocks and added another rock to a heart-shaped cairn.
As we are every year, we are immeasurably sad on this night, but our calm, reflective, and uplifting weekend will definitely help us get through this difficult night.
We send our love to you, Dave, on this the fifth anniversary of your passing. The luminarias are lit and a candle is burning as we near the time that is indelibly printed in our minds.
We miss you Dave!
Love,
Mom
RTLV
Dave,
You’ve been on my mind often lately, especially during the month of your birthday and (ironically) your leaving us. Since July 17th is also my wedding anniversary, the day never passes without many thoughts of you. It’s been a trying year–I often try to imagine you over my shoulder reminding me not to overanalyze EVERYTHING! Your amazing family has done so much to carry your memory with them on many incredible adventures, as I’m sure they do every moment of every day. You would be so proud of them.
Love you and miss you forever,
Laur
I was searching for Rob on FaceBook and an article came up about Dave. I am utterly heart broken right now for you 🙁 Dave was one of the kindest, down to earth, intelligent, and AMAZING persons I have ever met….I cant write anymore bc Im too upset but I just want to say that you were ALL very special to me and always will be. You welcomed me into your lives with open arms and gave me a “family feeling” at a time in my life when I needed it the most(right after I lost my mother) I LOVE YOU ALL so-so-so much and I’m so sorry this happened. Please send Rob my love xoxoxoxoxoxo
Life is a series of changes; some we happily embrace and others we try to resist with all our might. Some are in our control to change and others are thrust upon us leaving us confused with what lies in our future. But no matter what changes we must endure, we can only be thankful that we made it through one more challenge; thankful that life has a way of working out the details despite our deepest anxiety. Thanksgiving gives us a moment to be thankful for stereotypical blessings, but also for the strength we find in ourselves to overcome the obstacles and pain in our lives. Happy Thanksgiving everyone~~And may all your obstacles be small ones!
Christmas is all about the children. How I love spoiling my grandchildren just to see the joy, wonder, and unbridled excitement in their eyes. A screaming “Thank you Gramma. It’s just what I wanted!!” The great big hugs of gratitude. These are what keep my Christmas emotions “together.” I had to smile at Tyler this year. It was a definite flashback to Dave. Not once, not twice, not even three times, but at least a half-dozen times he told me, “Gramma, I got you a chick-a-dee nightlight.” Cayla was mortified and wanted desperately to chastise him for ruining the surprise. I just chuckled and told her NOT to scold him for it because he would be sad about the gift instead of excited. Every year I have a special place on my mantel for the candleholder and candle Dave gave me when he was around three or four. This was the gift he accidentally told me about before Christmas. His brother and sister laughed at him because he slipped. He was so crushed that he ruined the surprise by telling me he got me a candle. I didn’t want Tyler to feel that way, too—but it really made me smile when I opened the gift and made a big fuss! He was so proud.
But it’s not just the little kids that bring me joy; I LOVE finding that perfect eye-popping gift for the big “kids.” Dave would always shake his head in surprise that I’d find just the perfect gift and it would be something he hadn’t even asked for. Of course, he’d get most of what he’d ask for, too, but I was always most excited about the gifts that were my ideas.
I wonder what his interests would be now. Would they have changed over the past five years? Sigh! I’ll never know.
Merry Christmas everyone!
Pat
i knew DAVE since 2000 when he works in Greece and he stayed in my rent rooms i am too sad with knews of DAVE. WE were very good friends , I had not knews of DAVE and yesterday read about it, DAVE. I MISS YOU
I think the thing Dave liked most about St. Patrick’s Day wasn’t the celebration of being Irish, but having an excuse to drink Guiness. He just had a better excuse on St. Pat’s day. But, did he need an excuse? I think not. The night before we marched in the St. Pat’s Parade in 2006, we celebrated my parents’ 60th anniversary during a Manhattan dinner cruise with the McAteers—our Irish “cousins” from Ballyholland, No. Ireland who were marching with us the next day. We didn’t know anyone when we arrived, but all it took for Dave was a couple of beers and he was best friends with all the young guys who were whooping and hollering at the sight of the Statue of Liberty. Actually, their excitement created a renewed appreciation for such a wonderful symbol of freedom right in our backyard. I’m sure it was this instant comraderie that played a part in Dave agreeing to join me for the next McAteer reunion in No. Ireland.
Maybe next year I’ll actually have enough courage to go to the city and watch the parade. It’s hard enough to watch it on tv.
Happy Birthday Dave.Think of you often especially as we are on our own adventures these days.Something you were great at…living, enjoying ,savoring and being extremely grateful for THIS moment.Love AJ & UB
Happy 35th Birthday, Dave! How I still miss you and I being able to bounce ideas around. I can still hear the way you said hello when I answered the phone. It was almost like “ha-lo” with a lilt to your voice and the emphasis on the first syllable. It always gave me such a lift to get your calls from all over the world. I know you would be proud that I’ve grabbed the reins and am creating a new life for myself. You would’ve been totally onboard. Even though we can’t connect on the phone anymore, I truly feel we are connected in spirit. And,all the signs say you’re saying, “Awright, Ma!” Once again, I will blow out your birthday candle and whisper my birthday wishes to you. The luminarias will slowly die out; to be lit once again on 7/17.
Love,
Mom
I can hardly believe that it has been six years since Dave’s passing. Each year since, I have had the pleasure of reading the website that was created for his memory. I have been in awe discovering through Pat’s stories and photos, all the amazing trips that she and other family members has taken in honor of Dave.
Through these heartfelt vignettes, I have been transported to beautiful places around the world that Dave had planned on travelling to. What a wonderful idea to leave a part of him at each beautiful place! There have been so many inspiring comments of love and respect for Dave’s zest for life and adventure! His spirit will remain among us forever. I am so impressed with the beautiful photography taken at these amazing places. The great Wall of China, Ireland and the rope bridge, the beautiful sea and countryside! What it must have been like to actually be there and take a boat down the yantzee river! At the same time as I read each story I have a lump in my throat and an ache in my heart for what all of you have endured these past six years. Each of you in your family has made meaningful positive changes happen out of a terrible tragedy. Dave would be so proud of you Pat! I have always felt that you were an incredibly strong woman, but when you are faced with something as unthinkable as this you are tested beyond what you think you can survive! Life is made up of different chapters, and you either go forward and help yourself by helping others, or you give in to the raw pain. Much easier said than done! Time is a great healer, but I know birthday’s, holiday’s, and anniversaries are the most difficult to bear. I would like to wish your entire family thoughts of peace and comfort and commend you on your wonderful deeds and tremendous courage over these six years.
Sincerely,
Eileen lebegue
I am spending this night at one of Dave’s favorite places–Rob’s place up in the woods.
The butterflies were in full bloom today while I walked Molly. I smiled as over a dozen butterflies, one by one, briefly fluttered in front of us. It was a simple hello and then back to what they were doing. It was a nice little visit that warmed my soul.
Rob and I noticed something very unusual on his patio. There were at least a half-dozen dragonflies frantically swirling around. I have never seen anything like it. I have never seen more than one dragonfly at a time and Rob confirmed he never saw anything like this either.
Of course, I had to research what the symbolism could be and was amazed to read the following:
“Focus on living ‘IN’ the moment:
The dragonfly normally lives most of its life as a nymph or an immature. It flies only for a fraction of its life and usually not more than a few months. This adult dragonfly does it all in these few months and leaves nothing to be desired. This style of life symbolizes and exemplifies the virtue of living IN the moment and living life to the fullest. By living in the moment you are aware of who you are, where you are, what you are doing, what you want, what you don’t and make informed choices on a moment-to-moment basis.
This ability lets you live your life without regrets like the great dragonfly.”
This certainly reminded me of how Dave lived his life.
Rob had to leave before I lit the luminarias so I wanted to send him a photo. I took a chance because we are NEVER able to send photos from our cell phones from here, but I took a chance. As the phone struggled to send the photo, I said, “C’mon Dave, help me out.” And, yup, it went through. When Rob got it, he was just as amazed as I was, but also sure I had a little help!
I miss you Dave!
Christmas was very different this year. I moved upstate near Rob. New traditions are in the making. Even though I didn’t see my grandchildren on Christmas, I did spend a nice Christmas visit the day before Christmas Eve. Each year as they get older, the holiday changes. But, it’s still so rewarding to see them so excited and squealing with delight at decibels that make my ears ring. I love seeing their expressions as they open their gifts and even smile at the subsequent quarreling expected with all siblings.
As I headed upstate with my mother, I absorbed the quiet beauty of the woods; knowing how much Dave loved it here and wishing he could be a part of it.
As the snow gently fell and as I enjoyed the warm glow of the luminarias, I looked up and quietly wished Dave a Merry Christmas!
Merry Christmas Everyone!
Pat
St. Patrick’s Day is one of my “tough” days. It was the last time Dave and I did something together–we marched in the St Pat’s parade in NYC. I vividly recall walking along the green line down Fifth Avenue, looking up at the skyscrapers and brilliant blue sky and saying to Dave, “This is just so cool, isn’t it?” I was really ecstatic. He was amused by the childlike joy he could see on my face. Just four months later, the bottom fell out of my life. Ya just never know from one day to the next so you have to enjoy all the special things you experience today–even if it’s just walking the dog!
Miss you Dave!
Happy 36th Birthday, Dave!
I would sooooo love to celebrate your birthday with you here at the house. You would really enjoy the peace and beauty of the woods. Every day as I take a deep breath to inhale the fresh air, listen to my peeper frogs, and watch the baby deer walk through my backyard, I think of you. Rob put up my new “mellifluous” wind chimes on my rear deck. As I listen to the gentle tinkling sounds, I think of you and the poem you wrote just before you left us.
Cayla told me, “We’re lighting a candle for Uncle Dave today.” Grandma lit one, too. Cori made sure there were fresh flowers by your tree. Rob mounted a carving that you made while you were a Boy Scout. It sits proudly next to your picture in the living room. It’s definitely not like having your chicken scampi dinner and chocolate birthday cake, but it’s the best we can do.
Your birthday candle is lit and the luminarias are set to be lit once the sun goes down. They will emit a soft light in the darkness of the woods. I hope you can see them.
I love you!
RTLV,
Mom
Seven years–almost 25% of the time we shared with you on this earth. You should be here with us enjoying the woods, laughing with Cayla and Tyler and watching them grow, starting a family of your own, and just living life.
This is such a hard day for all of us. The “what ifs” just drive us crazy. And, as usual, we are going through another heat wave; this one lasting almost a week so naturally it’s all that’s on the news. Yeah, yeah, I know the signs of heat stroke and dehydration. Please don’t remind me AGAIN. I relive them every July 17th. If I feel lightheaded after sweeping, what did you feel? The rest of the year I try very hard NOT to think of these things, but in July it is very tough not to think this way.
I placed fresh flowers by your tree in River Vale. The In Memoriam was published in the paper with your Wind Chimes poem, and as usual, the luminarias are lit.
There is so little I can do. This is just so hard and it doesn’t get easier.
We love you, Dave!
Mom
RTLV
I think I posted in the wrong area….I was good friends with a Cori Buschow from NJ in the Westwood area..She worked at burger king, lived with two brothers , a mother and dogs…I think her brothers names were Rob and Dave. Either way I would like to give your entire family my condolence for the passing of somebody to soon. I am sure he looks over your entire family everyday. Mike Caraccia
Christmas Eve was very beautiful last night. As I set up the luminarias, it began to snow; not too much to cause road worries, but just enough to be beautiful. In the silence and beauty of the night, I wished you a Merry Christmas.
I sit in my living room enjoying the warm, cozy glow the lights cast and feel such a sadness that, once again, you are not part of our holiday. I’m pleased to report the family is slowly healing, but the scars are deep and our hearts will never be the same.
I’m always looking for something new of yours, but with it being over seven years, and going through all of your belongings numerous times, I resigned myself that all I have is all I will ever have. You can imagine my surprise and joy when your friend, Steve, reached out to me today to tell me that one of your fellow airmen had something that belonged to you and he would send it to me. What a wonderful Christmas gift.
I miss you, Dave. I hope you’re watching over us.
Love and Merry Christmas!
Mom
I wake up every St. Patrick’s Day thinking, “We were eating breakfast at the diner now.” A bit later, “We were heading toward the “step-off” to the parade.” And then, “We were discussing fun places where we wanted to travel.” I relive the entire day and the joy I felt marching in the parade with Dave. I find the memories are more painful because I recall the timeline and then think about it at all points during day. I only start feeling a bit better once the parade is over. This is why, except for the obvious birthdays, holidays, and anniversaries, I try not to attach moments with dates.
But then when I make my soda bread, I wonder, “Did Dave like soda bread? Did he like raisins?” And it upsets me because I can’t remember.
Happy St. Patrick’s Day, Dave!
Love,
Mom
7/6/14
Happy Birthday, Dave. Today has been a beautiful, cool day. I am so thankful it’s not the usual scorching hot day that troubles me terribly. It’s the kind of day that you would find perfect; a day you can do just about anything.
After doing usual chores around the house, I gave myself the rest of the day off to just absorb my surroundings…something YOU would do. The butterflies are flitting amongst the flowers that are not yet tired out from the heat of the summer. The birds are chirping in the trees and have made nests around the house. I sit perfectly still on my front porch and watch a mother junco feeding her babies in my hanging begonia. A mother robin sits on her nest of four eggs nearby. The hummingbirds didn’t mind my watching their little alien antics on the feeder. Have you ever heard a hummingbird sneeze? It would make you smile!
As I lean back in the rocker and look up at the trees gentling swaying in the breeze, I think of you and wish you could be here to enjoy the beauty of the woods once again.
Happy Birthday, Dave.
Love,
Mom
I love you little brother… miss you every day!! Not a day goes by I wish I could have done something to help you.. thank god I have memories.
Cayla & Tyler wish they could have known you.. we talk about you all the time. You are forever in our hearts.. and dreams!
Love,
Cori
Dave,
Every year I dread this day. I have to admit that throughout the year, from time to time the horrible details of your death will try to sneak into my thoughts. I literally have to shake my head and tell myself “Don’t do this to yourself” and I will force myself to other happy thoughts of you—and there are so many.
I am always so afraid that people will forget you after all these years, but it is so reassuring when I see a new rosebush planted by a friend alongside your tree, “thinking of you” e-mails from your friends, and warm thoughts with pictures of you on Facebook. It brings a tear to my eyes and a smile to my face knowing that you are remembered by so many.
Dave, you have touched so many lives; even those who never knew you. Tyler speaks of Uncle Dave as if he knows you, just from everything we have told him about you. Both Tyler and Cayla have your picture alongside their bed so you can watch over them as they sleep. Friends miss the all-around great friend that shared a special place in their lives and a permanent place in their hearts.
The luminarias are lit on this beautiful summer night. We will look up to the skies and send you our love. I hope you’re watching!
Love,
Mom
7/17/14
12/24/14
There is not a single day that goes by that I don’t think of you, but certain days and holidays are the hardest. Naturally, Christmas is one of them. I reminisce about the way things were when all three of you anxiously awaited Santa’s visit. These memories make me smile. But other memories are immediate emotional triggers.
I recall how you would laugh and cry at the same time when Santa rode by in the fire truck. Seeing (or even just thinking about) Santa waving to all the kids, brings tears to my eyes. I keep thinking that maybe this trigger will lessen as time goes by, but, nope, every year it’s the same. (Tears are welling up as I write this.)
I am happy that our family will gather together, but there is always that huge emptiness where you should be.
Merry Christmas, Dave. I miss you every single day.
Love,
Mom
RTLV
I can’t believe it has been almost 9 years since you left us. You are always in my thoughts Dave.
– Sal
I spent the day doing something I’m sure caused you to smile. My July 17th post will give the details, but I felt it was important to do something uplifting today because I know that’s what you’d want.
The luminarias are ready to be lit once it’s dark. There are bows and flowers by your tree in River Vale, and your birthday candle is lit. I can’t explain it, but I find some comfort in doing these things each year.
I read a book recently where a mother lost her son. This quote is right on the money, “I used to assume that grief was this thing inside that could be fought and vanquished. But it’s not. It is an external thing, like a shadow. You can’t escape it, you just have to live with it. It never grows smaller, you just come to accept that its there.”
Happy Birthday, Dave!
Love,
Mom
7/6/15
Wow, so strange. I have been thinking about Dave a lot the past couple days. I worked with him on Roi-Namur and he was my friend. He was close to 10 years younger than me, but I looked up to him. I saw in him all the hope that is lacking in the world. I wish he was still here. I wish I had known him longer. I am grateful for the time I did know him. Dave made an impact in my life. One that will always be there.
– Stephen Fry
12/25/15
Merry Christmas, Dave. Another year hanging your stocking and lighting luminarias in your memory. Each year I wrap one Matchbox car and add it to your stocking. It’s a tradition that we kept going since you were a little boy. Even the Christmas cartons sent to you in far-off places contained that one identifiable gift; a Matchbox car. We would laugh about it. Now, each year Tyler knows that he can pick one wrapped car from your stocking. He has the full collection of Uncle Dave’s Matchbox cars.
I miss you every day of the year, but the holidays are the worst!
Love you, Dave!
RTLV,
Mom
I am moving throughout my day with the St. Patrick’s Day parade on in the background. Every so often I stop to watch and listen. I see many of the counties in Ireland represented; groups of everyday Irish folks enjoying an amazing experience. When I see the green line, I remember how thrilled I was to be a part of the parade with my Irish McAteer family. And what made it so very special was that Dave shared it with me. Life couldn’t be any sweeter!
It was the last Dave and I spend any real time together. We talked for hours while we waiting to step off into the parade. Knowing now what was ahead, I am so grateful to have that special time with Dave. When I see the green line, it brings tears to my eyes.
Some things never get easier!
Pat
3/17/16
Dave, it has been many years now since I have seen you and I still think of you often. I truly wish I had met you many years earlier, because the time I had was just not enough. I only knew you for a couple years. You were a special spirit that touched everyone around you. I can do nothing but smile when I think of you. Big hugs my friend. You are missed.
– Stephen Fry
Happy birthday, Dave!! Your message to ‘Grow wild, according to thy nature…’ will always be instilled within me and will also always remind me to live life to its fullest. You are missed by so many and we will never forget your bright soul and kind nature. Until we meet again…
– Mike Smith
Those words also point me in the direction of continually expanding my life to include new things and experiences. Dave would be very disappointed in me if I sit back and let life pass me by. Don’t let that happen to you either.
Hello, my name is Carmelo Torres. I live in West Milford, NJ, married with two very young sone at home, 6 and 8. This morning I was reading through today’s Bergen Record and found your message In Memoriam to Dave. I don’t know Dave and have never heard of him or met him. But just wanted you to know that today I do know of him through your message and website. He seems to have had an amazing life story and today your message reached posted on his webpage made it to another person’s life. I very much enjoyed reading through website and felt engaged and for brief moment felt like a did know him.
It seems that his memory will continue through your family’s efforts to never forget him and your willingness to share his amazing life story. Thank you for sharing.
– Carmelo Torres
I was very touched by your kind thoughts. My only suggestion to you is to hold your sons closely; no matter how old they are. Take notice of the simple things because these are the things you will miss most as they grow up. I’ll miss my son forever, but I am comforted with all the wonderful memories I have of him. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.
With Dave every simple conversation turned into something meaningful. We met in Greece and the Netherlands. Dave left a lasting impression. He is still missed.
For next year, in the spring I have a new top listing on my bucket list and that is to visit the the Keukenhof with my husband and children. Especialy the Japanese garden. To his family I want to send love and my heartfelt sympathies on this very sad anniversary.
– Sonja
It is so wonderful that you remember Dave after all these years. Of course, he is always in the front of our minds, but it is so heartwarming to know he is fondly remembered by his friends.
This summer approached and as the 10 year Anniversay of your departure from this life approached I found myself once again in disbelief. I feel like you are still here- I know you are when you visit in dreams. I wish you and your family a deep profound peace. Love, suzanne
Hi Suzanne, Thank you so much for remembering Dave. It means so much to us that he still creeps into your dreams to drop by and say hello. (You know how much he liked to keep in touch.) My best wishes to you and your family. Pat
Nine years ago we came to Alaska to find some spectacular places for Dave. I’m here once again and hope to find more amazing places. No luminarias tonight, but I will light a candle alongside the Kenai River. I miss you, Dave, every day of my life.
Love, Mom. 7/17/17
Hello,
I’m writing this st 2:38 in the am. I’m back on Roi Namur for a second time. The first time was with Dave. I think about him most nights. Like he is right here with me working my shift. What a lasting impression he made on my life. I know his ashes were scattered here on the island. I was wondering if anyone would like a picture sent to them of the area where that took place. My gift of course.
Dave will forever be that inspiring beautiful soul that I remember . I think of him and can’t help but smile.
I find it hard to stay at home on July 17th. The mind can sometimes be a scary place for me; especially in July! The luminarias will not be lit tonight, but I will light a candle overlooking Niagara Falls. As ever, Dave, I miss you every day, but July is really tough.
Love, Mom