Cinque Terre is a group of five villages dramatically situated in the heart of the Italian Riviera. Until comparatively recent times, the villages were only accessible by water or trails between the villages.

We could have taken the typical tourist route on the ferry and been amazed at the sheer cliffs with the quaint little villages tucked into the mountainside. But this wouldn’t have been Dave’s way of seeing the real Italy!! So, we decided to hike from the little town of Portovenere to Riomaggiore; the first town of Cinque Terre.

We first had to climb over 300 disintegrating man-made steps up to the trail where we began our trek up the mountain. We were immediately enchanted with the view, but soon learned that it was only the first of many spectacular views; each one more magnificent than the last.

As we hiked along ledges, through groves of chestnut trees, and private villas, we remembered Dave. As the ever-present butterflies flitted across our path all along the way, we remembered Dave. And when we reached the most spectacular view of all at the Madonna di Montenero Sanctuary at the top of the mountain with the vista of the clear blue Ligurian Sea, we once again remembered Dave.

After eight hours of hiking, we found our way down the mountain through terraced vineyards to make the last ferry back to Portovenere. As we looked at the sheer cliffs with the Sanctuary high above us and realized the amazing adventure we had just experienced, I said, “Dave, we did it YOUR way!”

Cinque Terre — il posto piu bello di tutti…the most beautiful place of all.

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The town of Varenna sits on the shore of beautiful Lake Como in Italy. Varenna epitomizes the quaint, friendly “bello piccolo paese” (pretty little town) with all the simple necessities of life within a short walking distance with roads just barely wide enough for one car.
 
The morning after we arrived we headed out to the only hiking area nearby; Fiumelatte. With just a tiny path heading up to the mountain, we were having difficulty locating the beginning of the path. A local gentleman with his scant knowledge of English helped us despite our minimal fluency in Italian. Between broken Italian, broken English, and many hand gestures, he helped us find our way to the entrance of the path.

Much of the hike was walking up manmade rock steps through groves of chestnut oak and maple trees and winding past private vegetable and flower gardens. Colorful wildflowers bloomed all around, along with the dwarf dandelions popping up everywhere.

As we neared the top of the mountain, I glanced through the branches of the trees to see the most beautiful picture-perfect view of Varenna—the little town jutting into Lake Como with its impressive church steeple rising high above the quaint, colorful buildings. The sound of the church bells tolling could be heard throughout the valley and up the mountain to where we stood. With the view of the lovely town of Varenna and the majestic mountains in the distance, we knew this was the perfect place for Dave; a place with “una vista meravigliosa” (a breathtaking view).

We continued up the mountain to the Fiumelatte falls. Leonardo da Vinci once wrote that it’s the Fiumelatte “which falls high from more than 100 ells from the vein where it is born, straight down on the lake, with inestimable uproar and noise.” However, at the time of our visit, the falls were dry—typical for the month of September. I stood on the walkway over the falls and sprinkled some of Dave’s ashes on the rocks below knowing that when the falls ran again, they would be swept into beautiful Lake Como to be forever surrounded by the majestic mountains and the beauty of Italy.

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While Dave was stationed in Greece in 1999, he planned a trip to Venice with a couple of friends. At the last minute both buddies were unable to go. Not wanting to miss the experience, Dave went alone. He joked that he “felt like a loser” riding alone in the gondola, but as usual, he wouldn’t let anything deter him from enjoying the experience. As a Mom, I said, “Awww, Dave, why didn’t you postpone your trip so that you didn’t have to go alone?” His response was that he was glad it worked out the way it did because it was just by chance that he walked by a church where a rehearsal was taking place for a concert to be held later that evening. His love of all types of music brought him back that night. Had he been with his friends, he was sure they wouldn’t have chosen the concert as their past-time for the evening and he wouldn’t have had “one of the most beautiful experiences” he ever had. He so enjoyed listening to the concert by candlelight in an old church in Venice.

After Dave’s death, it became very important to me to do my best attend the same concert and experience the beauty he described. Fortunately, Dave was a pack rat so I amazingly located the program from the concert in his “memorabilia box.” So, naturally when I went to Italy with my brother and sister-in-law this past September, Venice and the concert were on the top of the list. We just needed to find it!

After searching for several hours, we did find the church; Chiesa San Bartolomeo, but the concerts were no longer held there. The church is the oldest church in Venice and it wasn’t open the day we were there. We didn’t give up because we knew from the internet that the same group, Interpreti Veneziani, continued to perform regularly in Venice. During our search for the new home of the concert, Chiesa San Vidal, we kept our eyes open for a beautiful spot to sprinkle some of Dave’s ashes. As we crossed one of the many footbridges, we saw the grounds of the Institute of Art with its beautiful landscaping and flowers. We knew that this was just the right place for Dave.

We walked out the gates of the Institute and, to our amazement, we found the church where the concert was to be held that night. It was the same group with the same musical selections. (I brought Dave’s program.)

During the concert, I closed my eyes and imagined Dave enjoying the music. I was so happy that we found this beautiful connection with Dave and that we, too, experienced what he felt was “one of the most beautiful experiences” he ever had. It is comforting to know that a little bit of Dave rests just a few feet away from the church where the concerts are held every night.

It was a beautiful, but sad evening. Come un sogno !!! (Like a dream!!!)

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We knew for quite some time that we wanted to DO something to honor Dave on the anniversary of his death. We knew that Dave would never want everyone sitting around feeling morose, but rather we should be enjoying a day in his memory. So, off we went for a day of rock climbing in Peter’s Kill.Uncle Bob and Aunt Jan planned all the climbs and provided all the expertise and equipment. For some of us it was the first time on the rocks. For others, it had been quite awhile since our last climb so Bob and Jan certainly had their work cut out for them. It was a great day; one where we truly felt Dave’s presence — especially when I placed one of his memorial cards into a crevice near the top of the rock face I was climbing. And, there was no doubt that he was with us during the laughter at each of our struggles and dumb mishaps. We all know that Dave loved laughing at the foibles of others, but didn’t hesitate to laugh even harder at himself.

After a strenuous, but rewarding, day of climbing, we scrambled up the rocks to “Dave’s place” — a place he had visited with Bob and Jan and a place where we had spread some of his ashes earlier this year. The day took on a more serious tone when we reached the top. This was the first time some of Dave’s friends and family had visited this special spot. We all became reflective as we thought our private thoughts of Dave. As we took pictures, it was amazing how the sun shone through the clouds like rays from heaven. The moment was really very meaningful to all of us! We placed a rose from Dave’s Grandma and hiked down the mountain.We finished the day with a barbecue at Pine Bush — the perfect ending to the day being that it was one of Dave’s favorite places and another place where his ashes rest. As the actual time of Dave’s death approached, Rob and I walked away from the group and looked into the starry sky. We both said a few words to Dave and as I cried for one son, I leaned on the other. We drove home knowing in our hearts that Dave approved of the way we spent this day. But we also knew that one year ago, the rest of this evening evolved into the saddest day of our lives!!

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We are constantly amazed and touched at the ingenuity of Dave’s friends in the different ways they remember him.

One of Dave’s closest friends, Shawn J, along with his buddies, Pat and Tim, ran the N.J. State Triathlon on July 22, 2007. It was a very challenging race on a hot summer day, but they knew “what a great guy Dave was and they were happy to run the race in his honor.”

The guys trained hard for the 500 meter swim, 13.5 mile bike and 5K run. They should be proud that their training paid off. Their respectable times were: Pat 1:22; Shawn 1:26; Tim 1:40

Thank you so much for remembering Dave in such an energetic way. I’m sure Dave was standing on the sidelines cheering you on!!!

I received this heartwarming e-mail from Suzanne, a very close friend of Dave’s dating back from grade school and soccer days. As the years passed, they always managed to keep in touch.

“I really want to thank you and tell you that all that you post on the website has been extremely meaningful to me. When I see and read about the special, very personal expressions of others, it brings me a feeling that I don’t think that I’ve ever had before. I can’t name it, either. In some way it’s a validation that although things will never be the same for anyone whose lives Dave touched, he is still part of my life, and for that I am thankful.

You see, Dave was my friend who pushed me to see the world in different (more beautiful) ways. He was my friend that I always knew I could count on to support me- whether it be with a silly everyday problem, or a large life decision. My friend who, no matter how near or far, could have a philosophical, deep exchange with me, that I would always leave feeling inspired. He was my friend that I couldn’t wait to continue to grow with.

Last week, on July 17th, I had a day of memorial for Dave in Brooklyn. I spent the day alone at the beach, doing all of the things that I love — reading, writing and relaxing — all the while really celebrating the wonder of life with Dave on my brain and in my heart as I stood in the salty water, feeling the waves and sea weed on my feet. Back home that evening, I bought some healthy fresh food, took a refreshing shower, and popped open a bottle of champagne that I had received for my birthday. As I lit a candle and toasted Dave I thought about you, and your family, and every friend, and imagined that we were all together. It was a beautiful day for a beautiful spirit.

I’ve attached a butterfly picture that I took in Ft. Greene Park, Brooklyn on July 15th, 2007. I was walking through the park by my house, when I noticed the butterfly on the side of a path. I took a few pictures of it, and was struck by how still and peaceful it was, even when I was about a foot and a half away with a camera up close. It was the next day, when I was reading the site sitting at my kitchen table that I had a serious case of the goosebumps – you know like when something just makes sense? An aha moment!?

Love,

Suzanne”

Yes, Suzanne, many of us have had “Aha” moments. I have mentioned in several posts that our butterfly encounters have been amazing. We invite Dave’s friends and family to post their butterfly visits on this thread. I know I will.

It was a beautiful sunny May morning as Pat, Rob, Bob and myself hiked the path up to the top of the Peterskill crag. Our destination was to bring us to the spot where almost 5 years ago I stood with Dave and took his picture for a photo op.

Our purpose was to spread Dave’s ashes in a special place, and a special day that we had shared with him. Our memory of that climbing day with Dave is one that will stay with me forever. The pictures that flow in my mind are of Bob explaining to Dave the set-up of the climb. How bomber the system is and the reasons that Dave could trust that he would be kept safe. While Bob was finishing the set-up, Dave and I walked up a ways to one of my favorite places. It is a huge overhanging roof that gives a beautiful view of the Shawangunks This, I explained to Dave, is my favorite place, and I just had to take his picture there. There he was in his boony hat looking back at me smiling his beautiful Dave smile. The rest of the day was filled with watching Dave meet challenge after challenge as we kept bumping up the climbs. He was tenacious, as he attacked each one, determined to kick its butt, even though we kept telling him that there was no failure in rock climbing. While Bob would go to change the climbs, Dave and I would stay down below talking about everything. One minute we would be talking seriously about family concerns, and the next minute we would be howling like a couple of idiots about something ridiculously funny. Who in their wildest dreams would imagine that today we would be where we are? Today, as we reached the spot, we set our packs down under a tree. Within a few minutes a beautiful swallowtail butterfly, swooped down past Pat, and swirled around the top of Bob and Rob’s head as they sat at the edge of the cliff. We all reacted with joy. We just had a fly-by!

This is the hard part for me to communicate. The ache I feel in my heart, I believe that here are no mere words that can describe it. As Bob and I spread Dave’s ashes, I was struck with the incredible honor I felt to be doing this. I was humbled beyond belief and knew in my heart that I was right where I was supposed to be.

Afterwards, we sat at the top, and had a lunch, in honor of Dave, his favorite. Chik-fil-A
Then we moved on to meet the next challenge, to get Pat on a climb. As we hiked around to the bottom of the crag, she joked about going on the Bunny Rock. Bob laughed and told her that all those times in their childhood with her as the Big Sister now demanded pay back!
Sometimes when you are hidden behind the lens of a camera, you can have the privilege of feeling like a fly on the wall, or feel removed from the situation and become an observer. I watched Pat put on a climbing harness, and saw the uncertainty in her eyes as Bob went through a ground school and taught her climbing basics. This was a woman going way beyond her comfort zone, and doing it for the whole purpose of honoring her son. I saw her putting her life in the hands of Bob and Rob, who did the belaying of his Mom. I saw Rob struggle with the knowledge that he was responsible for his mother’s safety. But what happened next was incredible. Pat attacked the cliff with the same tenacity that Dave did¦determined to finish and reach the summit. When she reached the top, another butterfly celebrated her achievement! I could feel Dave all around us, and knew that he was incredibly proud of his ma! Later on when Rob and Bob were breaking down the climb, they had another butterfly encounter. Only 3 that day, all at very special moments.

Last night I watched Pat on CNN with Rick Sanchez doing the live interview at 11:25 p.m. When she talked about BOSS and the impact phase, I knew that I couldn’t write this without communicating to all of you who loved Dave, my beliefs. It is very apparent that all of us, who love Dave, are experiencing a true impact phase. The impact that his life and death has had on all of us and the transformations that have taken place in all of our hearts in an ongoing way. As I watch Pat struggle with her grief, and still be able to have the grace, strength and composure to fight for what is right, I am affected. When I hear our family talk about the many Dave stories we have, or when one of our butterfly miracles touch us, I am affected. When I read the forum on Dave’s site, and all the letters that friends, family and strangers write, I am impacted.

To be able to live the life that Dave did and still continue to touch everyone’s heart ¦now that is Purpose.

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Two sisters, Marla and Krissy, were two of Dave’s oldest and closest friends so we weren’t one bit surprised with their creativity in remembering Dave in their own way. They had asked for a supply of Dave’s cards from his memorial service.We’ve since found out why. Both young ladies recently got married and decided to bring “Dave” with them on their honeymoons; a thought I’m sure that would make Dave smile.

As Marla said, “I am assuming you took a look at some of the pics that I took when I was on my honeymoon where I had pinned up Dave’s card in the prettiest spots I could find. I would set him up in a spot where I thought he would really enjoy the view.

The first set of pics in the one where he’s in a tree, facing crystal clear water. That was in St. John’s Caneel Bay.

The second set was when we were headed to our next destination. We were on ferry and the mountains and water were gorgeous. I let the card go into the wind, almost slicing some guys head off. That card whipped right out of my hands so hard and just missed this guy’s face. I had a good laugh.

The third set of pics…where the rocks are grayish and formed, was a placed called Devil’s Bay, British Virgin Gorda. We took a taxi out to this one spot on the opposite side of the island…not too big of an island. We had to hike through the caves and caverns…had NO CLUE where we were going. Sort of scary, actually. The water was crashing into the caves and we were trying to make our way out to this clearing. When we hit it, it was so cool. I pinned Dave up in a plant facing the rock formations and the ocean. Many yachts had stopped there. People were drinking and eating on their boats…many were snorkeling. It was a hidden treasure.

I know Dave liked it.

Also, I have to get a few pics to you that Krissy and I took of his card at The Botanical Gardens in Brooklyn. Krissy and I knew it was a place Dave would’ve liked. We found a hollowed out tree stump and placed him there in the midst of trees and plants and wildlife.

Also, Krissy placed his card in Monet’s Garden in Paris.

We plan on taking him with us wherever we go!

“We know how he loved to try new things and check out new places.”

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Joanna reached out to our family almost five months ago to send us her heartfelt condolences. Dave had often been in her thoughts since the horrible day of his death.

You see, Joanna was also one of the hikers that day.

After reading the poems on Dave’s website and all of the stories written about him, she felt quite connected to the person Dave was shown to be. At that time, she said, I had a chance only to begin to get to know Dave, but it was immediately clear to me that he was a special soul.

She further shared the thoughts she had immediately after Dave’s death. I had barely even exchanged words with Dave. Nonetheless, even from our few interactions, it was immediately clear to me that he radiated a rare kindness and integrity, that quiet depths lay behind his upbeat smile, and that he was profoundly happy to be out in the deserts of southern Utah. I distinctly remember the word chivalrous popping up in my head that first afternoon as I watched him helping other people on our course, as if it were the most natural thing in the world for him to do. I was looking forward to getting to know him.

We shared with Joanna our belief that Dave surrounds us everyday and gives us strength to help us accept his loss. There are signs everywhere; we just need to be observant to them. This is very comforting to us. I’m sure that is why she shared with us some special moments when I thought strongly of Dave.

This is part of the message from postcards we received from Joanna last month: 

A few weeks after my trip to New York, I went to the Philippines for work. One morning I was sitting on the stoop outside my little hotel enjoying the trees and garden in the midst of crazy Manila, and a single, gorgeous butterfly flew by. That particular butterfly made me think of Dave, and I watched it fly, contemplating how indeed, these little creatures are messengers from a spirit world beyond our own. Everything about them suggest it. I had dinner that night with a lovely Filipino friend of mine, and somehow we got on the subject of butterflies. He proceeded to tell me about one specific kind of butterfly a “large, yellow and black” and described the one I had seen that morning. He said, “Here in the Philippines we believe those butterflies are messengers of loved ones who have passed.” I was so delighted to learn that, and wanted to share that with you! My friend also told me that his dad died when he was 12, and that he and his family had had many strange and wonderful encounters with butterflies after his death, and still today. (I should point out that our family and many of Dave’s friends have had numerous butterfly encounters, a fact which I shared with Joanna. We will share these with you with another posting.)

Joanna continued, My last afternoon in Kyoto, I visited an old temple at the edge of the city, surrounded by gardens. It was heartbreakingly beautiful, so peaceful. As I was walking away after if closed, I noticed a little side street with a footpath leading up wooded hills at the edge of the old little neighborhood. I felt drawn to follow it, and found it led to a small shrine, housed in a wood pagoda. The pagoda had an old beam across the top, with hundreds of little strips of paper tied to it, with handwritten notes in Japanese, from people who had come here before me, with thoughts and prayers for worlds beyond ours. There was a little wooden shelf with blank slips of paper, red ribbon, and an old fashioned pen.

I wrote for Dave on a single sheet, and tied it with the rest to the rafter above me. I stood there a few moments in silence, rang the bell on the shrine to help my message arrive at its destination and went back down the footpath.

Thank you so very much, Joanna, for remembering Dave in such a wonderful way. And, although you may not have known Dave for very long, it is clear from your words and your actions that he had an impact on your life. As his mother, you can only imagine how much this has touched me.

Todd has been friends with Dave since middle school days. They had so many stories to laugh about; I’m sure many of which their parents weren’t privy to knowing. They were the best of friends right till the end. When Cari met Todd, she, too, became a new best friend and shared in all their fun times. They were both devastated when they heard the news of Dave’s death. When they planned a recent trip to Colorado; a place they had hoped to travel with Dave, they asked if they could take some of his ashes. They wanted to spread them at the Continental Divide.

The Record recently ran an article about Dave. This is Cari’s quote as to the reason they chose this spot as another of Dave’s special places:

Two of Dave’s close friends, Todd and Cari Dages of West Milford, took his ashes to the Continental Divide near Breckenridge, Colo. “At the top, if you pour a glass of water, whatever goes off the east side will eventually make it to the Atlantic Ocean, and whatever goes to the west will go over to the Pacific Ocean,” said Cari Dages, 31. “So we scattered his ashes directly on top, allowing Dave to go east, west and anywhere that he wanted to be, since he wanted to travel and experience all parts of life.”

Thank you, Todd and Cari, for remembering Dave is such a special way!

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