We are constantly amazed and touched at the ingenuity of Dave’s friends in the different ways they remember him.

One of Dave’s closest friends, Shawn J, along with his buddies, Pat and Tim, ran the N.J. State Triathlon on July 22, 2007. It was a very challenging race on a hot summer day, but they knew “what a great guy Dave was and they were happy to run the race in his honor.”

The guys trained hard for the 500 meter swim, 13.5 mile bike and 5K run. They should be proud that their training paid off. Their respectable times were: Pat 1:22; Shawn 1:26; Tim 1:40

Thank you so much for remembering Dave in such an energetic way. I’m sure Dave was standing on the sidelines cheering you on!!!

I received this heartwarming e-mail from Suzanne, a very close friend of Dave’s dating back from grade school and soccer days. As the years passed, they always managed to keep in touch.

“I really want to thank you and tell you that all that you post on the website has been extremely meaningful to me. When I see and read about the special, very personal expressions of others, it brings me a feeling that I don’t think that I’ve ever had before. I can’t name it, either. In some way it’s a validation that although things will never be the same for anyone whose lives Dave touched, he is still part of my life, and for that I am thankful.

You see, Dave was my friend who pushed me to see the world in different (more beautiful) ways. He was my friend that I always knew I could count on to support me- whether it be with a silly everyday problem, or a large life decision. My friend who, no matter how near or far, could have a philosophical, deep exchange with me, that I would always leave feeling inspired. He was my friend that I couldn’t wait to continue to grow with.

Last week, on July 17th, I had a day of memorial for Dave in Brooklyn. I spent the day alone at the beach, doing all of the things that I love — reading, writing and relaxing — all the while really celebrating the wonder of life with Dave on my brain and in my heart as I stood in the salty water, feeling the waves and sea weed on my feet. Back home that evening, I bought some healthy fresh food, took a refreshing shower, and popped open a bottle of champagne that I had received for my birthday. As I lit a candle and toasted Dave I thought about you, and your family, and every friend, and imagined that we were all together. It was a beautiful day for a beautiful spirit.

I’ve attached a butterfly picture that I took in Ft. Greene Park, Brooklyn on July 15th, 2007. I was walking through the park by my house, when I noticed the butterfly on the side of a path. I took a few pictures of it, and was struck by how still and peaceful it was, even when I was about a foot and a half away with a camera up close. It was the next day, when I was reading the site sitting at my kitchen table that I had a serious case of the goosebumps – you know like when something just makes sense? An aha moment!?

Love,

Suzanne”

Yes, Suzanne, many of us have had “Aha” moments. I have mentioned in several posts that our butterfly encounters have been amazing. We invite Dave’s friends and family to post their butterfly visits on this thread. I know I will.

It was a beautiful sunny May morning as Pat, Rob, Bob and myself hiked the path up to the top of the Peterskill crag. Our destination was to bring us to the spot where almost 5 years ago I stood with Dave and took his picture for a photo op.

Our purpose was to spread Dave’s ashes in a special place, and a special day that we had shared with him. Our memory of that climbing day with Dave is one that will stay with me forever. The pictures that flow in my mind are of Bob explaining to Dave the set-up of the climb. How bomber the system is and the reasons that Dave could trust that he would be kept safe. While Bob was finishing the set-up, Dave and I walked up a ways to one of my favorite places. It is a huge overhanging roof that gives a beautiful view of the Shawangunks This, I explained to Dave, is my favorite place, and I just had to take his picture there. There he was in his boony hat looking back at me smiling his beautiful Dave smile. The rest of the day was filled with watching Dave meet challenge after challenge as we kept bumping up the climbs. He was tenacious, as he attacked each one, determined to kick its butt, even though we kept telling him that there was no failure in rock climbing. While Bob would go to change the climbs, Dave and I would stay down below talking about everything. One minute we would be talking seriously about family concerns, and the next minute we would be howling like a couple of idiots about something ridiculously funny. Who in their wildest dreams would imagine that today we would be where we are? Today, as we reached the spot, we set our packs down under a tree. Within a few minutes a beautiful swallowtail butterfly, swooped down past Pat, and swirled around the top of Bob and Rob’s head as they sat at the edge of the cliff. We all reacted with joy. We just had a fly-by!

This is the hard part for me to communicate. The ache I feel in my heart, I believe that here are no mere words that can describe it. As Bob and I spread Dave’s ashes, I was struck with the incredible honor I felt to be doing this. I was humbled beyond belief and knew in my heart that I was right where I was supposed to be.

Afterwards, we sat at the top, and had a lunch, in honor of Dave, his favorite. Chik-fil-A
Then we moved on to meet the next challenge, to get Pat on a climb. As we hiked around to the bottom of the crag, she joked about going on the Bunny Rock. Bob laughed and told her that all those times in their childhood with her as the Big Sister now demanded pay back!
Sometimes when you are hidden behind the lens of a camera, you can have the privilege of feeling like a fly on the wall, or feel removed from the situation and become an observer. I watched Pat put on a climbing harness, and saw the uncertainty in her eyes as Bob went through a ground school and taught her climbing basics. This was a woman going way beyond her comfort zone, and doing it for the whole purpose of honoring her son. I saw her putting her life in the hands of Bob and Rob, who did the belaying of his Mom. I saw Rob struggle with the knowledge that he was responsible for his mother’s safety. But what happened next was incredible. Pat attacked the cliff with the same tenacity that Dave did¦determined to finish and reach the summit. When she reached the top, another butterfly celebrated her achievement! I could feel Dave all around us, and knew that he was incredibly proud of his ma! Later on when Rob and Bob were breaking down the climb, they had another butterfly encounter. Only 3 that day, all at very special moments.

Last night I watched Pat on CNN with Rick Sanchez doing the live interview at 11:25 p.m. When she talked about BOSS and the impact phase, I knew that I couldn’t write this without communicating to all of you who loved Dave, my beliefs. It is very apparent that all of us, who love Dave, are experiencing a true impact phase. The impact that his life and death has had on all of us and the transformations that have taken place in all of our hearts in an ongoing way. As I watch Pat struggle with her grief, and still be able to have the grace, strength and composure to fight for what is right, I am affected. When I hear our family talk about the many Dave stories we have, or when one of our butterfly miracles touch us, I am affected. When I read the forum on Dave’s site, and all the letters that friends, family and strangers write, I am impacted.

To be able to live the life that Dave did and still continue to touch everyone’s heart ¦now that is Purpose.

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Two sisters, Marla and Krissy, were two of Dave’s oldest and closest friends so we weren’t one bit surprised with their creativity in remembering Dave in their own way. They had asked for a supply of Dave’s cards from his memorial service.We’ve since found out why. Both young ladies recently got married and decided to bring “Dave” with them on their honeymoons; a thought I’m sure that would make Dave smile.

As Marla said, “I am assuming you took a look at some of the pics that I took when I was on my honeymoon where I had pinned up Dave’s card in the prettiest spots I could find. I would set him up in a spot where I thought he would really enjoy the view.

The first set of pics in the one where he’s in a tree, facing crystal clear water. That was in St. John’s Caneel Bay.

The second set was when we were headed to our next destination. We were on ferry and the mountains and water were gorgeous. I let the card go into the wind, almost slicing some guys head off. That card whipped right out of my hands so hard and just missed this guy’s face. I had a good laugh.

The third set of pics…where the rocks are grayish and formed, was a placed called Devil’s Bay, British Virgin Gorda. We took a taxi out to this one spot on the opposite side of the island…not too big of an island. We had to hike through the caves and caverns…had NO CLUE where we were going. Sort of scary, actually. The water was crashing into the caves and we were trying to make our way out to this clearing. When we hit it, it was so cool. I pinned Dave up in a plant facing the rock formations and the ocean. Many yachts had stopped there. People were drinking and eating on their boats…many were snorkeling. It was a hidden treasure.

I know Dave liked it.

Also, I have to get a few pics to you that Krissy and I took of his card at The Botanical Gardens in Brooklyn. Krissy and I knew it was a place Dave would’ve liked. We found a hollowed out tree stump and placed him there in the midst of trees and plants and wildlife.

Also, Krissy placed his card in Monet’s Garden in Paris.

We plan on taking him with us wherever we go!

“We know how he loved to try new things and check out new places.”

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Joanna reached out to our family almost five months ago to send us her heartfelt condolences. Dave had often been in her thoughts since the horrible day of his death.

You see, Joanna was also one of the hikers that day.

After reading the poems on Dave’s website and all of the stories written about him, she felt quite connected to the person Dave was shown to be. At that time, she said, I had a chance only to begin to get to know Dave, but it was immediately clear to me that he was a special soul.

She further shared the thoughts she had immediately after Dave’s death. I had barely even exchanged words with Dave. Nonetheless, even from our few interactions, it was immediately clear to me that he radiated a rare kindness and integrity, that quiet depths lay behind his upbeat smile, and that he was profoundly happy to be out in the deserts of southern Utah. I distinctly remember the word chivalrous popping up in my head that first afternoon as I watched him helping other people on our course, as if it were the most natural thing in the world for him to do. I was looking forward to getting to know him.

We shared with Joanna our belief that Dave surrounds us everyday and gives us strength to help us accept his loss. There are signs everywhere; we just need to be observant to them. This is very comforting to us. I’m sure that is why she shared with us some special moments when I thought strongly of Dave.

This is part of the message from postcards we received from Joanna last month: 

A few weeks after my trip to New York, I went to the Philippines for work. One morning I was sitting on the stoop outside my little hotel enjoying the trees and garden in the midst of crazy Manila, and a single, gorgeous butterfly flew by. That particular butterfly made me think of Dave, and I watched it fly, contemplating how indeed, these little creatures are messengers from a spirit world beyond our own. Everything about them suggest it. I had dinner that night with a lovely Filipino friend of mine, and somehow we got on the subject of butterflies. He proceeded to tell me about one specific kind of butterfly a “large, yellow and black” and described the one I had seen that morning. He said, “Here in the Philippines we believe those butterflies are messengers of loved ones who have passed.” I was so delighted to learn that, and wanted to share that with you! My friend also told me that his dad died when he was 12, and that he and his family had had many strange and wonderful encounters with butterflies after his death, and still today. (I should point out that our family and many of Dave’s friends have had numerous butterfly encounters, a fact which I shared with Joanna. We will share these with you with another posting.)

Joanna continued, My last afternoon in Kyoto, I visited an old temple at the edge of the city, surrounded by gardens. It was heartbreakingly beautiful, so peaceful. As I was walking away after if closed, I noticed a little side street with a footpath leading up wooded hills at the edge of the old little neighborhood. I felt drawn to follow it, and found it led to a small shrine, housed in a wood pagoda. The pagoda had an old beam across the top, with hundreds of little strips of paper tied to it, with handwritten notes in Japanese, from people who had come here before me, with thoughts and prayers for worlds beyond ours. There was a little wooden shelf with blank slips of paper, red ribbon, and an old fashioned pen.

I wrote for Dave on a single sheet, and tied it with the rest to the rafter above me. I stood there a few moments in silence, rang the bell on the shrine to help my message arrive at its destination and went back down the footpath.

Thank you so very much, Joanna, for remembering Dave in such a wonderful way. And, although you may not have known Dave for very long, it is clear from your words and your actions that he had an impact on your life. As his mother, you can only imagine how much this has touched me.

Todd has been friends with Dave since middle school days. They had so many stories to laugh about; I’m sure many of which their parents weren’t privy to knowing. They were the best of friends right till the end. When Cari met Todd, she, too, became a new best friend and shared in all their fun times. They were both devastated when they heard the news of Dave’s death. When they planned a recent trip to Colorado; a place they had hoped to travel with Dave, they asked if they could take some of his ashes. They wanted to spread them at the Continental Divide.

The Record recently ran an article about Dave. This is Cari’s quote as to the reason they chose this spot as another of Dave’s special places:

Two of Dave’s close friends, Todd and Cari Dages of West Milford, took his ashes to the Continental Divide near Breckenridge, Colo. “At the top, if you pour a glass of water, whatever goes off the east side will eventually make it to the Atlantic Ocean, and whatever goes to the west will go over to the Pacific Ocean,” said Cari Dages, 31. “So we scattered his ashes directly on top, allowing Dave to go east, west and anywhere that he wanted to be, since he wanted to travel and experience all parts of life.”

Thank you, Todd and Cari, for remembering Dave is such a special way!

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Dave’s last contract took him to the Marshall Islands in the South Pacific. He spoke so kindly of the native people of the islands and the friends he made in the Police Dept. Shortly after his death, his friends on the base presented the family with a wonderful shadow box of Dave’s achievements. (Click on the badge on opening page of website) During his one year contract, Dave touched many lives. They in turn touched our hearts.

When I reached out to see if someone from Kwajalein Police Dept. would spread Dave’s ashes in Roi Namur, there was no hesitation. Sandy H immediately agreed to do this for us. So I shipped her a small wooden trinket box with some of Dave’s ashes. I only asked that she send me a picture so I could share another of Dave’s resting places with friends and family.

Not only did she do this for us, but I was so touched when I received the trinket box in the mail with the picture on the box that we posted with this message. The box contained some sand taken from the beach in Roi Namur, along with a handful of very fragile shells—all of which arrived unbroken!! Needless to say, I smiled through my tears!

Here is the e-mail that accompanied the pictures:

Attached are the pictures taken this past weekend. I flew up to Roi and Joe C. and John L., friends of Dave’s, help spread his ashes. Jeff B. and Kelly F. helped by taking pictures. It was a beautiful day. Joe choose a point at the end of the runway. This was a place that Dave liked to fish. Picture #001 shows this point in the distance. We then went out on the police boat and spread his ashes in the lagoon.

I am glad we were able to do this for your family.

Sandy

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We all know that Dave loved to travel. He was always looking toward new horizons and wanting to experience the world. So when Dave was cremated, we made a promise to bring a little bit of Dave wherever we travelled and sprinkle his ashes in places that we knew Dave would love. As we planned our Jamaica trip over Thanksgiving, I hoped we would find just the right spot that would suit Dave.

On the second day of the trip, we headed out on a catamaran for snorkeling and a picnic lunch on a nearby island. We brought along Dave’s ashes—just in case.

As we waded ashore, my niece said, Aunt Pat, look over there! Tears instantly welled up as I saw a hammock at the water’s edge between two trees in a cove. There was an archway in front of the hammock covered with tropical flowers. We all knew that THIS was the PERFECT spot for Dave.

Anyone who remembers Dave’s stories from the Marshall Islands knows that he put up a hammock in such a location so he could enjoy reading or just pondering life in such awesome surroundings.

We spread some of his ashes over the rocks and coral under the hammock, said a few words, shed some tears, and added a sprinkling of Red Stripe beer for good measure a touch we’re sure Dave appreciated. Some of us took turns relaxing in the hammock pondering life, just as Dave had done so often. The rest of the afternoon was spent with his whole family quietly enjoying such a perfect spot while taking note of the beautiful butterflies visiting the cove.

There were so many sides of Dave. One final resting place would simply not be enough.

So, Dave rests in Pine Bush, NY in the camping surroundings he so loved and now at Half Moon Bay, Green Island, Jamaica overlooking the surf that also brought Dave such peace and solitude.

As Dave wrote to me in an e-mail, I’m just glad that I have the opportunity to sort my life out while sitting on a beautiful desolate beach. I feel it is necessary to remind me of what’s important.

From Patricia (Dave’s mom):

Dave’s Kinda Day

…a fantastic fall day displaying autumn’s rainbow of colors a brilliant blue sky and white puffy clouds—a brisk fall breeze propelling the leaves for their final dance to the ground, and a perfect day for friends and family to say good-bye to Dave at his favorite place — Pine Bush, NY; a place that was always one of the first “gotta do’s” on Dave’s list when he came home from any of his many journeys.

As we walked along the path that Dave walked many, many times, we absorbed the beauty and splendor surrounding us. As we neared the campsite, the haunting sound of bagpipes filled the air bringing tears of appreciation to our eyes—thankful to friends who provided such a touching, never-to-be-forgotten moment. We have never seen (and probably will never see again) a bagpiper in full traditional attire in the middle of the woods. What a sight to see!! It literally took our breaths away.

While listening to the mournful sound of “Amazing Grace,” we buried Dave’s ashes where he always sat in his camping chair enjoying the vista before him. We spoke of friendship, love, and butterflies. After a moment of silence, a large boulder was rolled on top of Dave’s ashes. Tulip bulbs were planted around the boulder. For as the bulbs are a symbol of hope and rebirth, so is our love for Dave. Once past the all-consuming grief of our loss, we will keep Dave in our hearts forever with the hope that one day we will all be reunited on the other side and what a party that will be!!! And that’s exactly what the rest of the day was — a party in celebration of Dave; a day filled with laughter and wonderful stories around the campfire he so loved.

We all awoke to another picture perfect day. We sat around the burning embers discussing how well we all slept the night before. Once mustering up enough energy, we all began to pack up camp and say our goodbyes. I think we all agree that it was a beautiful weekend in a beautiful place in honor of a beautiful person. The plaque, hand-carved by one of Dave’s friends, says it all

Only the good die young!

Thank you, Dave, for sharing your favorite escape with the rest of us! We wish you were here!!!

 

 

 

 

From Lauren Weissberg:

Last Saturday, September 9th, was Do it for Dave Day. I was part of a group of 10 people who love Dave who volunteered together with Habitat for Humanity of Bergen County to renovate an apartment. All of the apartments in the building will eventually be sold to low-income families in exchange for a very low mortgage and hours of “sweat time”.

I organized the group in an effort to channel my feelings connected with losing Dave. I felt so confused, angry, devastated…the same way you probably feel about his loss if you are reading this message. It was extremely empowering to get a group together and to do something positive in Dave’s honor with some of the people who share my feelings. I knew it wouldn’t make the hurt go away, but I hoped that it would make Dave’s death easier to handle, if only for a day.

Do it for Dave Day went beyond everything I had wished it could be. I can’t express how therapeutic it felt to be with old and new friends of Dave’s who all love him and who all feel his loss like I do. Not only was it gratifying to volunteer our time for families in need, but spending the day smashing down walls and beams was an energy release that we all needed. We worked hard, got dirty, shared stories, caught up, laughed and cried together. Dave would have treasured every minute of it and he would have been proud of our efforts (as well as our t-shirts!).

We would like to make Do it for Dave Day an annual event. We also encourage others who love Dave to start projects like this one–it really helps.

Dave–wherever you were watching us from, I’m sure you had a good laugh watching me, Peter, Rosanne, Krissy, Erin, Rachel, Dusty, Ken, Dan, and your Mom kicking ass. We love you.